Not seeing his son for christmas . feelings advice

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Sandra-pj 1 month ago.

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  • #34365 Report

    Alipally
    Participant

    Hi I have been a single parent since finding out i was pregnant.My son is almost 1 and his dad sees him as and when he feels like it. I have really tried to encourage a relationship between them.

     

    Anyway, his dad isn’t going to see him for Christmas and I am struggling so much with how he could do that. My son is my whole world and I struggle with how his dad can’t love him enough to be in his life properly and not to make any effort at Christmas is just  heartbreaking.

     

    Just wondered how others deal with these kinds of emotions.

     

    #34371 Report

    Justus2
    Participant

    My son is also almost 1 and his dad doesnt see him at all. I can really relate to what youve posted cos his dad doesnt see him at all or contribute. He just calls once every few months and says hows my son and thats the most effort he makes. I think its really sad when someone is willing to lose precious time with their child especially in the early years when they develop so fast. Every week my lil one is doing something different and looking different and i just feel bad for his dad cos either one day he will regret not being around, or he doesnt have the heart or maturity to know what hes missing. But one thing is for sure, we cant waste this precious time giving energy to dads who make no effort when were the lucky ones who get to make precious memories and share love with our kids. Its their loss. Enjoy your 1st christmas and new years with your lil one

    #34372 Report

    DB
    Participant

    Hi alipally – my parents split when I was 8 and my dad was not good at keeping in touch – if it hadn’t been for my mum, and then me, reaching out I think we would have lost contact completely. I know your situation is different because your son is so much younger – but all I would say is keep the lines of communication and door open with your ex, as you are, refrain from bad mouthing him, and your son will appreciate in the future that you did what you could to enable his father to build a relationship with him. That his dad sadly chose not to will obviously be difficult for him to deal with – but if these things are addressed and worked through as he grows and starts recognising the emotions they generate, they will make him a stronger person ultimately.

    In time He will make his own decisions about his dad – and he will love you all the more for being everything for him.

    In the mean time enjoy every second of your son!!! My two are now 10 and nearly 7 – it’s flying by!

    As a newly single mum I am enjoying much more quality time with them without my ex taking over or ruining family occasions with his moods and outbursts…remembering those times is helpful when I see all those ‘happy families’ at Christmas and appreciate that they may not be quite as content as they seem, and I’m relieved to be single!

    Have a very merry xmas. Xxx

    #34374 Report

    Alipally
    Participant

    Thank you both of you for replying , i got upset about it last night and it helped just writing it down. I just can’t understand how he could look at my son and not want to be part of his life he is the most gorgeous funniest little man and his personality is really starting to come through now. anyway, its Christmas eve and I have lots of memories to make with my little boy.

     

    Just us 2 they change so quickly don’t they each week constantly something new!

     

    DB – Thank you for showing me a comment from someone who has been through similar, my friend thinks I’m crazy for letting him walk in and out and that it will harm my son in the future I just think not knowing who your dad is at all would be more harming? and selfishly I wouldn’t ever want to look at my son and say you don’t know your dad because I stopped him seeing you.

     

     

    #34493 Report

    Sandra-pj
    Participant

    My ex hasn’t even called or wish to see his son. It makes me sad but what really helped me is that I never wondered why. Men or women that do this to their kids are not humans but as I call them rotten rats. There is no excuse for not to looking after your children and abandon them. I think the same for my son and his future. How would he feel without a dad. I try and be both for him and my family and friends are supporting me a lot. I just put a claim on CMS and I am sure this is going to be a new sad chapter for me. I am trying to enjoy my time with my son and my other 2 girls and plan for the future. It’s their loss not to get involve with their kids.

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