Not comfortable with children seeing new girlfriend
12 December 2020 at 11:27 am #46866
My childrens father has said he is going to have his girlfriend at his flat once a week once our children (10 & 14) have gone to bed. He has been with her 4 months, broken up twice in that time that i know of and has also cheated on her multiple times. I have told him im not comfortable with this and do not want her there whether they are asleep or not, it is not mine or the childrens problem that he works alot so has little time to see her between that and having our children. Am i in the wrong or over reacting? Any advice on how to overcome the situation without having to resort to mediation12 December 2020 at 2:35 pm #46867
Tricky one considering the circumstances. With your children being 10 and 14 it maybe worth asking them ,especially the oldest one how they feel about situation. 14 year old would be old enough to understand whats going on as well14 December 2020 at 1:35 pm #46898
I feel the same right now. Long story but the general jist is my ex left Dec 2018 and was seeing our daughter every sunday, 3 weeks into January (after only seeing his new girlfriend for a maximum of 4 weeks) he tells our daughter he is taking her to a soft play centre with some friends from his work. This rung alarm bells as he had never taken her anywhere before this. Anyway, it turns out he toook our daughter to his new gf house to meet her and her 2 sons (age 6 and 15 at the time) then to a soft play centre 25 miles away from where he had told me he was going annd not with mates from work either. He then took our daughter and his gf/her youngest son to a restaurant and back to her house. Needless to say our daughter was mortified as my ex and his new gf were hugging/kissing in plain view of the children and my ex refused to go in the soft play with her as he wanted to sit with his gf therefore left her to her own devices for 2 hours with another child she hardly knows.
Anyway my point is, our daughter was devastated and refused to see his new gf so her dad refused to see her and has stuck to his word apart from a couple of visits last year. He has now text me and said that his life is now with the gf (who he had told me he was not with for the last 2 years) and that our daughter will just have to “get on with it” and this he new gf wants to be there every time he sees our daughter. I have tried explaining that is not his gf’s decision and needs to be whats best for our daughter and will be a gradual process. I had not told our daughter about this due to coming up to xmas etc as last time it really affected her behaviour both in and outside of school and was very hard for both myself and my daughter for some time due to her dads resentment and constant lies.
He rung the other night and spoke to our daughter (even after I said he needs to sit down and have a conversation with her on her level) and the first words out of his mouth were “has mummy spoke to toy about me and ****, we are together and you gotta just deal with it. Like it or lump it” not great as my daughter then run upstairs sobbing, screaming, punching her pillow and refused to speak to either me or my ex.
Please tell me I am not being unreasonable for not trusting my ex. I have said legally I need to know where and who is around when he takes her out and he really didnt like that. Our daughter does not trust him at all and does not want to meet his gf even though he has arranged to come and pick her up and go shopping/out for lunch this weekend! I am also concerned as when he has seen our daughter and taken her out it has been observed that he has left her in the arcades whilst he walked 300yards down the road to a newsagents to get some cigarettes, going in the shop where he is unable to see her. Whenn questioned, he said “the people behind the glass where you get change for the machines know she is with me and watch her for me”. These people are not people we know and obvs if something did happen to our daughter would not go running after her (eg if she was snatched).
So worried about how this will affect our daughter especially knowing he and his gf have only recently got back together (last week) after having a very on and off relationship for the last 2 years (he eventually had to admit this)