I was wondering if other parents have been through similar.
My husband left the family home in September. It was his choice. He refused to address the issues he had, instead citing the reason he was leaving was because of me. He has experienced poor mental health for years – anxiety and depression which I have supported him through. He’d spend most weekends in bed. He often refused to engage with our daughter and I unless it was on his terms. He refused to take her to the park so many times she stopped asking him.
Anyway, he’s asked for a financial break for a few months. This is a break from paying child maintenance and his half of the mortgage, both our names are on the mortgage. He says he’s up to his eyes in debt and can’t afford to pay. Apparently he’s been to debt management and their solution is to sell the house.
Being in debt is nothing new for him. When we were living together he lived beyond his means. For example, he couldn’t afford to help pay for food but could buy equipment for the bands he played in. He didn’t work for about two years but wouldn’t apply for jobseekers. Instead we lived off my low income. I learnt to go without and often went through periods where I didn’t eat so he and our daughter could. He was still able to continue his hobbies which involved going abroad for a week long course about the hobby, he did this a couple of times. When he ran out of money he would take money out of my account without asking which meant I was often in my overdraft.
Since he left, I haven’t touched my overdraft.
So, my question is. If you’ve been through a similar situation what did you do?
I don’t think other people’s situations will overly help.
To be honest if you can afford to run the house and would be able to get a mortgage then probably that’s the better situation to disassociate yourself financially.
If you cannot afford this then really selling and splitting the equity is probably the way to go ASAP before you find that you’re covering again more of the mortgage alone that he’ll benefit more from equity he’s not contributed toward.
Realistically unless you go via cms you cannot make him pay maintenance. So that’s one element you need to be wary of. And given that he’s not unfamiliar with not providing this doesn’t sound like it would pose a moral quandary.
However I would not accept not paying maintenance and agree to this as your child still has costs regardless of his financial stupidity!
The mortgage id write to him in email that he remains liable for this regardless of what poor financial situation he’s is. If he does. It contribute you will take that it’s his agreement by not contributing that any equity value he has will be reduced to represent his underpayment.