No support from immediate family
21 December 2019 at 11:05 pm #34294
Hi has anyone experienced close members of your family –
parents and siblings not being supportive, not having any interest in your divorce or your wellbeing?my husband walked out on me he took us out of the country for his job then left us after 6 mths when my son was 2. It was such a shock. I’m very shocked and saddened how my family have not offered support. I’ve cried down the phone and begged them to help me not financially or to look after my son or even to stay just to listen to help me and try and help me with divorce paperwork. I’m currently job hunting husband left yr and 4 mths Ago he has stopped paying money and I feel like I’m going to have a breakdown with stress of Legal fees (I got rid of my solicitor now). I’m so shocked and saddened and feel not only am I coping with the loss of marriage but also at the disappointment of parents and sisters not even asking how I am.22 December 2019 at 12:33 am #34298
I’m really sorry to hear about your lack of support, the support and understanding is one of the best things about this forum. Why I don’t have much emotional advice to give this organisations can help with the legal side of things:
‘Rights of women 020 7251 6577 We are a women’s charity working in a number of ways to help women through the law. Our vital services aim to provide women with the legal advice and information they need to understand and use the law and their legal rights.’
Hope this helps
Mark22 December 2019 at 6:26 am #34303
I don’t think people understand unless they have been in this situation. Hopefully we can support each other. I know it’s rough.23 December 2019 at 6:12 pm #34348
All the time every part of our family is like that wont even look after my boy for 10 mins. Feel it more round christmas when people going on about spending time with family visiting family etc.
There is just me and my boy and he is lucky if he gets a pair of socks and chocolate from our family. Only one member of the family has visited us in 2 years when I try to plan to go visit somthing always seems to come up with them that we cant go visit.
Christmas eve just me and my boy as with christmas day the presents under the tree are all from me and I’ve been unable to buy him the only thing he has asked for.
Yes my boy might be 12 he has autism has regular bouts of school refusal I’ve lost 2 jobs because of it and I have to be hone for when he gets dropped off from school my family think I should just get another job and he will be fine at home on his own and I’m to leave him home school hols.
I live off 5 hours sleep a night 7 days a week the only break I get is when he in school then I’m cleaning, shopping, laundry going to appointments people think it’s a walk in the park but dont think till they lived in our shoes they wont believe.23 December 2019 at 9:59 pm #34361
You are not alone, but don’t let the bastards get you down. Break down each task and prioritise (you and your child’s well-being first them last). Take one day at a time. You will get there.24 December 2019 at 7:08 am #34373
Hi SarahLeah – yes, I can relate to you! I am going through the spectrum of emotions attached to the lack of consideration or concern from my family at one of the hardest times of my life. I’ve been particularly upset at my mums lack of care – having been through splits and been a single parent herself for a time.
however it’s not uncommon behaviour for my family – I think they’d all be clinically classed as narcissists! And to be honest they each have their own issues.
So I identify the people and support I can access – friends, groups like this, practical advice groups like money advice service…not having family help makes me even more grateful for the support I get from these sources.
And I am digging deep within myself…ultimately we get through bad times best when we have a well of inner strength to draw on. people build this in different ways – counselling, meditation, exercise, journaling… – but I’m realising that ultimately I need to be able to rely on myself to deal with the tough times. Of course we need other people – and perhaps it’s a cynical view -but I believe we can’t reply too much on external things/people – we are the only thing we can control.
I’m also trying not to compare my situation with those people who have grandparents on tap to pick up/take kids for sleepovers and days out…yes I’d love that, I envy them for it, but I try to be happy for them because I don’t want to end up as negative and resentful. But equally, where I have friends with all this support who moan about how hard it is having kids, or things that annoy them about their super helpful parents, i minimise time with them because it does slightly irk!!! I’m sure they have their own family issues, and they’re not in my shoes so they don’t appreciate how lucky they are, or realise how insensitive they sound – but I’m not their problem so I just take a break from them for a while until I’m in a better place.
I hope you get the support you need from somewhere SarahLeah.