No light at the end of the tunnel.

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  • #38662 Report

    Dory15032011
    Participant

    Hello to everyone I’m Lisa and I’m a newbie but so pleased I found you🙂

    I’m just wondering how many more single parents there are out there that feel like I do…I’m a mum for the second time around, I was married for 22 years I have 3 grown up children to my ex husband after being together since leaving school we broke up around 10 years ago he cheated on me obviously denied it and insisted I was going crazy until I caught him…anyway was a hermit for some time then my friend fixed me up with a guy we were together for 3 years I unexpectedly fell pregnant he turned out to be an idiot didn’t care that I was pregnant found out he was cheating too my little boy is now 7 years old I’m an older parent and on my own.

    i have always been self sufficient never relied on anybody but myself always worked but in the last few years have become a career for my father as well as my brother whom I have always cared for as he has learning disabilities and can’t care for himself without help. I work around 25 hour a week sometimes less sometimes more depending if I have child care I’m a senior health care assistant for our wonderful NHS but I work (bank) only as it suits me with child care, the last 3 months  my total take home pay has been £1600 for the 3 months which is less than £600 a month I don’t claim any carers money or help with rent I just get the 25% discount for living alone (council tax) I get help of £100 weekly tax credits but I’m really struggling financially …and also don’t know if I can keep this up taking care of my father my brother who lives in his own flat not with my father, being a mum to my son and also going to work just to earn enough to pay my rent council tax utilities and travel expenses …I feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel..😢

    #38674 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi, I’m an older single mum of a ds (11).

    The first thing you could do is claim Carer’s allowance. It might not be much but it would pay for you to have an evening off every now and then.

    Does your son’s dad contribute? Have you put in a CMS claim against him? Can you get any local charity help or support?
    Have you considered handing care for your dad over to the local council?

    When was the last time you and your son had a holiday?

    #38682 Report

    KBaker
    Participant

     

    Our circumstances sound similar and whilst I have no words of wisdom, know your not on your own.

    Your trying to do your best for everyone else, but you need to focus on you. Can you get in touch with councils for advice or support with care for your dad & brother, it’s not selfish, it’s taking a bit of pressure of you and it’ll give you the head space to get through it. Can you take some time off work at the same time?

    I reached a point where I let things build up, pressures and demands of everything and everyone , eventually it all became one big struggle and even surviving through a day became hard & mentally painful. During this building up, over a course of 4 years, I also gained a dependency with alcohol starting with that glass of wine on a night after another sh*t and stressful day.

    I felt like no matter how hard I try, it’s one step forward and 3 steps back…

    I knew I needed help, but I didn’t want to let people down. Work was busy, I needed the money, I had no one for the kids, I needed to look after my grandma etc etc, there was always a reason

    I’d had enough, couldn’t carry on as I were so 1 evening I emailed work, explained the above and told them I was having time off.

    First I sorted my drinking out..:then i faced my debts and bills I couldn’t afford to pay, I looked at what money I had coming in and what I could do about it….over time I started to feel relieved. I could breathe. I was dealing with things much better and life didn’t seem so much of a battle, there wasn’t any of that jumbled up mess in my head.

    That was 12 month ago, and although I’m still skint, Infact just had notice my working/child tax credits are going down £80 a week (overpayment from previous years) but I’m coping with it, I’m not letting myself get to that point where I can’t see the light at end of the tunnel

    What I’m trying to say is, give yourself a step back, don’t be too hard on yourself , and don’t be scared of telling someone you need just a bit of help. You think people won’t understand but actually, I think they do.

     

     

     

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