Newly single, struggling to see a future
16 April 2019 at 9:55 pm #23716
My fiancé broke up with me two weeks ago. I was still planning our wedding for November.. We have three kids, an autistic toddler, just turned three in January, and seven month old twins. I’m struggling to see past the end of the week. I’m not sad about losing him, at all.. Cos he’s actually treated me badly emotionally for a while now. I’m sad that he’s broken my family up; that he’s spent so long treating me badly and stringing me along with my emotions while deciding about breaking up – without trying to talk to me. And I’m sad that he’s made me feel like I’m never gonna find anyone else who can understand my mental health and cope with my baggage.
Guess I’m posting cos it would be nice to speak to somebody else that can understand my situation. My family are great, but we’re not really “talkers” , and I have a few great friends, but don’t see them often enough to talk to properly, and they just sit slagging off my ex, which isn’t really helpful.
Can anyone convince me it gets better?16 April 2019 at 10:31 pm #23717
It’s really early days for you so everything is raw, I understand your feeling of loss, we all go through that stage and it’s horrible.
Your felling that you won’t find anyone who understands you is basically wrong and Im sure that coming here and chatting to folk over time youll come to realise that what I’m saying is true.
You will get through this, you are going to be ok and one day you’ll realise that you’re happy again.
Mark17 April 2019 at 8:57 am #23722
Hi Redsquid, it does get better.
What you are describing is emotional and psychological abuse. In particular read back this line here:
“<span style=”background-color: #fbfbfb; color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>And I’m sad that he’s made me feel like I’m never gonna find anyone else who can understand my mental health and cope with my baggage.”</span>
1. His behaviour you describe as long term abuse but don’t give him the power to dictate how you feel. Don’t give him that control.
2. When you say find anyone else who understands your mental health, well he obviously didn’t, and may well have issues of his own. There will be far more people than you realize who will understand, and won’t treat you as he did.
3. Everyone comes with baggage, you just have to find people who will help you unpack.
Things will be a lot better for you now. Please keep posting on the forum.
As Mark says above it’s not overnight but one day you will suddenly realize that everything is going to be OK. You won’t be able to see where you are going to get to right now, that’s how different it’s going to be when you get to that point. But you will wish later on that you were kinder to yourself right now. So start there.17 April 2019 at 9:11 am #23723
Thank you both. They are definitely positive messages to read in a morning.
Psychological abuse has been mentioned several times now by my friends and family as well, he made me keep secrets from them and so they are just learning everything now. I think I’m a lucky in the sense that I have really supportive people around me to help, but sometimes when I’m alone it’s just very overwhelming. I definitely think this forum will be good for me in those times.
Thank you both again17 April 2019 at 10:26 am #23724
I am glad to see other members of the forum are showing you support. I will be sending you a personal message with some signposting options.