Newly single mum totally heartbroken πŸ˜”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”

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  • #10319 Report

    Fran84
    Participant

    Newly single mum and I just don’t know what to do. My now ex fiancΓ© won’t talk or make any plans to see his gorgeous 2 year old daughter. I’m totally totally devastated and exhausted. His parents are controlling him as much as he controlled me as it was emotional domestic violence. Call me crazy but I’m still in love with my daughters father and I desperately want my family back!!!Moved from Birmingham back to my parents in Leicestershire and managed to get a house around the corner from my parents. Now the overwhelming reality of everything has kicked in and it’s killing me on the inside. I can’t stop crying or thinking about everything over and over in my head. My little princess has been amazing but frightened about how it’s affecting her and her development. I just want to talk about where we go from here but he keeps saying he wants everything in writing and doesn’t want to talk. He wants mediation and I think he’s going to take me to court. He was made redundant in November and had 14k redundancy pay and a new job with my help and support. We were together for 6 years but things have not been good since our daughter was born. I had a very traumatic birth and got post natal depression. He isn’t a hands on daddy and I have my concerns for my daughter while he has been in his care. His mother wanted this and now it’s happened I just don’t think I can cope with life πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯

    #10324 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    I don’t understand much of this story, so let me precis:

    1. You were in an emotionally abusive relationship which is now over, but you want it back, despite the fact that for two years the relationship has not been good anyway?

    2. He will only communicate in writing yet he also wants to discuss face-to-face mediation?

    3. You think he wants to take you to court.

    4. You have unspecified concerns about him having access to your baby because of previous care issues.

    If that’s right, and putting emotion aside so you can be clear headed about your life choices:

    1. If the relationship is bad, and you aren’t going to have good relations going forward, then you have to come to terms with the fact that it seems best the relationship is over, you’re probably just struggling to start again without some support. Yet you live close to your family, and quite a long way from him. The relationship sounds not good for you or the baby, so in time to come this may be a blessing.

    2. Let him do the writing then and arrange the mediation, which has to be convenient to where you live. Don’t worry about that. In the meantime you concentrate on getting payments out of him (you don’t mention them) through the proper means (CMA/CMS etc).

    3. He can’t take you to court without having tried mediation first (so see point 2). Not worth any head space at this time.

    4. Depending what the concerns are, it’s going to play badly for him in mediation and court. Therefore, not worth any head space at this time.

    What’s left is the emotion. For that, go back to point 1 and your own post and re-read what in hindsight this relationship was really like. You are not going to get back with him. Whether it’s your choice or not that sounds like a good thing for you and the baby so look at the positive of where you are now and will be in the long-term. You have support around you now whereas where you lived before was toxic. Focus then on being a good Mum and making sure he pays his dues (I think this can take a while, but it’s not down to you so leave that to the professionals at this stage). Everything else is just a froth of words from him which don’t mean anything, and your mind spinning and wondering about things you don’t need to. Again, just focus on you and the baby.

    All the best. PM me if I can help further.

    #10329 Report

    MelandSeabass
    Participant

    Hi Fran,

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re so upset. I’ve had some similar experiences with my ex whom I was with for 13 years. Just be careful what you put in writing or messages as he may be trying to put a slant on your mental state of mind which is understandably confused, angry, etc. I can offer you hope though. I adored my husband and thought my life was ruined but now I see things so differently. Just think about your daughter and what kind of example you want to set for her. Be strong, get organised, get out and get over that loser. If you were comforting her later in life in this situation, what would you tell her? Probably good riddance. I know it’s not easy but you an do it. IF you ever falter, just look at her little face and know you got the only thing that matters. xx

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