Newly single mum of disabled child – hope do I cope?

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  • #31721 Report


    Hi. My world has just been turned upside down as my partner has left me. He’s not my child’s biological father, he has children of his own (one disabled) and so there will be no contact with him at all. I moved house for him to a new town, but the house is only in my name because he couldn’t come on the mortgage, so all finances are now down to me. But I was made redundant earlier this year & have struggled to find work because of now being a carer to my son, so my income is very low. I don’t know anyone in the new area, I can’t move because I won’t get another mortgage, I have applied for benefits but no idea if I’ll get enough to be able to afford to continue living here, the dr has put me on antidepressants because I am so low & under immense stress.

    Is there any chance that someone here has been through a similar situation?! How do I cope being on my own with a disabled child?

    #31785 Report


    Hi Sarah,

    I’m sorry things are so tough for you at the moment.
    I was really shocked when my ex moved out 8 months ago saying he didn’t know what he wanted. We’d had some challenging times but ironically I’d been telling family how much better things were. It absolutely threw me. After 2 months I called time on our relationship and as painful as it was for me, I realised he wasn’t able to do it himself.
    I have two kids – nearly 3 & 6. I am the main cater, probably 95% of the time. The see their dad for a day a couple of times a month.
    We moved to an area where we had no friends / family about 5 years ago. It’s bloody tough. I’m really lucky my eldest started primary school and I’ve got a few really good mates who I can lean on to an extent. But it’s phenomenally difficult being the main parent with no support, I was so tired tonight I got cross with this kids at bedtime and then fell asleep putting them to bed. There’s no-one else to help.
    I’m not saying ‘poor me’ but I wanted to reply to your post and say, yes it’s tough. You’ll be ok. I am going through a new phase of feeling stronger, no idea how long it will last, but i am embracing it.
    You need to be there for you and your child and navigate through the next stage in your life. Be strong, you can get through this. Just take everyday as it comes and celebrate the fact you are all fed, watered, clothed and where you need to be everyday – it’s been really good to break it down to such a basic level and be pleased to do these basic things (for me :))

    take care of yourself.

    #31798 Report


    Hello sarah

    Sorry to hear about your situation. Can I ask you what’s wrong with your child? Have you applied for dla?

    #31806 Report


    Hi. Thank you so much for sharing your story – sounds like you felt similar to me in being completely thrown by it. My child is at a special school & gets taken by bus so I don’t meet any other mums. I don’t know how to meet people otherwise, certainly any in my situation. How did you get to feeling stronger? Did it just come after time or did you do anything? People keep saying time is a healer, but even when I’m feeling a bit more positive about being a single mum, I don’t know how I’ll feel I’m control, if that makes sense. I currently feel like I have none! You are right I’m thay I have so much to be grateful for, maybe I’ll start writing some down so thay I can focus on then more. There are other people in much worse positions than me, I’m being very self centred at the moment, so i will try to follow your advice – thank you very much 🙂

    #31807 Report


    Hi Sharima – he does get DLA and I get carers allowance. I used to be a consultant and I’m still struggling to accept I can’t support myself and my child after being so independent. I have a meeting with three CAB at the end of the month to see if there is any other help I can get short term.

    #31810 Report


    I am a working mum to a child who has a disability. She goes to school on bus then I go to work.. She comes home on bus and she is dropped off at child minder. Then I collect her around 5.15. I don’t socialise much with parents but we are on WhatsApp. Also she goes to alot of activities.

    . E. G birthday parties and swimming clubs and I meet other parents there too. The school gets us together for networking from time to time.she also attends Sunday school where we have made oodles of friends

    Ido not get maintenance and I have a mortgage. I’m a positive person and I don’t dwell on myself or situation. I don’t have parents or much family. Christmas shopping almost done and I’ve booked tickets to go to a firework display. I have good child care that range from nanny, childminder and old nursery. These people are not related to me.

    Have you thought about working part time so you can get working tax credits?

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