Newly Single Mum and Very Much Struggling

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  • #54673 Report

    rcooper22
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,

    I wonder if you could offer me some support or advice.

    My partner of three years cheated on me in January, sending sexual pictures to a girl he had known at work for a few months and telling her things like “how he almost wished he never met me so that he could be with her.” He also met up with here a few times, and there’s messages suggested he kissed her but that’s still denied by him.

    It broke me but I told him I forgave him because he said it was a mistake and he wasn’t in a good head space. He came back for another week and a bit and then left again 2 weeks before our Son’s first birthday. He left because he said he still had feelings for her and it wasn’t fair on me, that it was for my benefit. The weekend of him leaving I found he had started messages up with her again.

    In the end the girl wasn’t interested, she had two kids and a fiance and she said it was “a bit of fun and I wasn’t going to leave my fiance for you.” Which then devastated my ex partner and sent him into a depressive spiral, where he had two weeks off work and called me to say he tried to commit suicide.

    Throughout this whole time since January he has consistently changed how he feels about me, from days where “he didn’t love me” to “he doesn’t love me as much as he used to” to “he’s still in love with me” and even trying for another time again to make it work. However in this time he has been incredibly aggressive, screaming and shouting at me. Calling me names such as a psycho and crazy. He flipped the bird at me when he left wishing our son “good luck.” He has grabbed and hurt me when I’ve had panic attacks, one time causing a hematoma on my arm. He has also hurt himself by punching and headbutting the kitchen cabinets.

    Leading up to January for a few months he was out of character, very angry and short with me and had no fuse. He was also like this with our child, but I thought it was the stress of losing a job he loved and the pandemic on top of the challenges of being a dad for the first time. We were in a rough patch and I was happy and now i’ve been left blindsided by this.

    I’ve felt quite emotionally abused and I have been struggling a colossal amount mentally to the point that I have now been diagnosed and receiving treatment for PTSD. I find I have panic attacks very often and it causes me to question everything and want to reach out to him for answers. On a few occasions it has caused me to harm myself but this was in the earlier days and I believe that I have moved passed this now. When I do have these panic attacks he has only lashed out and called me names and blocked me on everything because I told him i’m not comfortable him bringing our son back into the house three days a week anymore, because i’m not happy having him in my home.

    It’s gotten to a stage where I feel like I need mediation or for somebody to be our middle party. I can’t stay calm and in a good mental place around him and I don’t want my son to be uprooted and dragged around because we can’t figure something out. I’m struggling such an immense deal and i’m just trying everything I can for us to stay civil but I hate being around him, he frightens me.

    #54680 Report

    Hi Rcooper22

    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here.  I’m sorry to hear about what you’ve been experiencing.  I can hear this is having a big impact on you.  There are some services that may be able to support you when you are experiencing panic.  I’ll leave some links below:

    No Panic – No Panic specialises in self-help recovery.  Services include providing people with the skills they need to manage their condition and work towards recovery, enabling them to lead more fulfilled lives  0844 967 4848   https://nopanic.org.uk

    Giveusashout – A  24-hour 7 day a week 365 day a year crisis text service to help the person in crisis identify coping strategies and get them from a hot place of crisis, to a cool calm place where they can safety plan. TEXT SHOUT 85258  https://www.giveusashout.org/

    You’ve also mentioned mediation.  You can find out a bit more about this process via the following link within the Gingerbread site:

    Help when you can’t agree – Gingerbread

    AdviceNow also produce a guide on mediation that you can download via this link:

    A survival guide to using Family Mediation after a break up | Advicenow

    I hope that’ll help a little

    Kind regards

    Michelle

    #54682 Report

    rcooper22
    Participant

    Thank you for all these sources Michelle, I’ll make sure to go through them and see what’s available.

    #54688 Report

    You’re welcome!

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