Newly single, mental abusive ex
13 November 2019 at 11:55 pm #32855
I have never written on a forum before. I split with my husband 5 ish weeks ago. I thought things were ok between us but the break up caught me very much by surprise. It felt like it would be better to have him die ( please don’t judge) then to see him all the time when he visited our 3 children. I have recently spoke to friends and professionals who have said they think some of the things he did in our relationship was abusive towards me. The more I research mental abuse the more I realise I think they are right. When we use to get in an argument he would call me names, tell me I am fat, useless and lazy and the more he said it the more withdrawn I became. My depression got very bad and the more he tore into me the worse it got. My children were always fed, clothed and had emotional supported from me. The housework down stairs was always done except sometimes the washing wasn’t kept up to date sometimesand I always cooked dinner. But I felt I could see myself slipping away more and more each day.
Since the split I have had a huge problem with knowing that he could be seeing someone else. I don’t want it to upset me but it really does. I hate him for the man he become in our relationship but I also still love him( if that’s possible). I wont have him back and I am generally happier as a person without him, though admittedly I sometimes struggle being a single mum. I have to rely a little bit of family members to help me out with them, getting them to school ect. But is feeling jealous/upset that he has found someone so quickly after breaking up normal? I don’t want him back but I still feel betrayed(nothing happened whilst we where together) but he was the one that was horrible in the relationship and although I was not a perfect wife I do feel I was pretty good. Why does he get to move on, whilst I am sitting here pretty broken. I am shattered looking after the children, making the house good he gets to do what he wants, when he wants. Don’t get me wrong I would never leave my children and I wouldn’t want it any other way as he is the one that will miss out in the end, but some me time would be good. I have had a long night trying to get my 2 year old to stay in his bed, though I think he has finally given in.
I am scared being a single mum and I am trying my hardest to hold everything together for my boys, but admittedly I cry most nights when they go to bed. I feel lonely, tired, strong. All these feelings. Its like I am grieving.14 November 2019 at 9:04 am #32865
That’s because you are grieving for the marriage you hoped you would have. It takes a while to feel better.
But your children are no longer witnessing the aggression and nastiness, they aren’t learning that sort of behaviour is acceptable. Your ex may have a new girlfriend but he doesn’t love her, she’s there to clean and cook & keep his bed warm. Soon she will be feeling as low and depressed as you were.
Give it some time.Focus on making your home a happy calm stress-free place for your children, and in a month or two you will catch yourself feeling happy, I promise you. Hang on in there. It will get better x17 November 2019 at 12:15 am #32943
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am already finding myself happier. I am slowly finding me again.