Newly Single Father. Any help would be appreciated
18 January 2019 at 7:37 am #19775
I’ve just recently split up with my wife just after xmas and am now sharing custody of my 15 month old daughter. I’ve had to move out and start my life with just me and her. where do I start ? I have nothing, I didnt want to ask for anything when I left just my clothes. The break up has taken its toll (I guess thery’re never good) and I’m constantly going from good to bad.
I’ve managed to keep working thank god but I just dont know how to move on in this new life I find myself thrown in to.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.18 January 2019 at 8:59 am #19776
I can totally sympathise with you. I split up from my Ex 15 months ago now and I can still feel how it felt back then. She lied and cheated etc so it was not an amicable breakup by any means.
I lost my job shortly afterwards, had to sell the family home for the divorce purposes and split all the goods. It was a very difficult time and to be honest I did not know where to start or how I would get through it.
I have a 12 and 9 year old. They were obviously enough and I began the journey of fixing my life. You have to do bit by bit. It will not change over night by any means and you will probably go through lots of ups and downs. I too share my children 50/50 although my eldest now lives with me full time.
Great that you still have your job. 50/50 and one child means only one of you will get child benefit, probably who ever gets in their first. 50/50 should also mean no maintenance by anyone as long as you share the costs of everything.
Thats the practical stuff. The rest depeends on your support network and how you are really feeling.
Paul18 January 2019 at 9:09 am #19779
Thanks a lot for the advice. It looks like you’ve been through just what I’m doing now. The benefits aren’t an issue, its the personal side. Most of it not knowing what to do with myself. I’ve always been living my life through my family and although having some “me” time sounds like just what I need all it does it give me more time to think which is probably the biggest mistake right now.
I just have no idea what to do with myself while I go through the grieving process.
Seventh18 January 2019 at 9:29 am #19783
Yes I understand. I had so much time on my hands not having a job for 4 months while going through this, so I know exactly what you mean. Some days I felt like getting out, others I didnt. I wanted to see people, then I didn’t. A bit of a roller coaster really.
I had to move in to Rented, so that kept me busy for a while. Then I speant a lot of time alone grieving, day after day. I couldnt really find any local support but I did have my Sister who lived an hour or so away from me and she has been a big help.
Honestly, I had my boys, who kept me busy and then the housework etc. It took a while to get in to a routine.
Now I would advise that talking, talking and more talking about it is the release I should have found. Built up anger and pain is no good. Its great you have joined here. I have joined to try and listen to people and have a chat as thats what I needed back then.
When I got a new job, the divorce went through and I managed to get my own place again, things started to improve. 16 months on, I have started a new relationship, dropped most of my anger, have found ways to let go and release. Things are much improved. Time as they say is a great healer.
I didnt have many close friends as I lived for my family too and most of our friends came through her working closer to home etc. See your mates. Try and get as much time out the house as possible. Anything to stop you dwelling.
Good Luck P.18 January 2019 at 10:08 am #19784
Much appreciated. Nice to know I’m not alone even though I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
Seventh19 January 2019 at 8:37 pm #19817
It’s good to read as I am going through the exact situation my partner left me nd my 2year old just before Christmas and I finding it really hard feel so alone feel like I have no one to talk to just don’t know wot to do with myself20 January 2019 at 5:16 am #19823
I just signed up (this second) and I too have just found myself in a similar situation. The total confusion and thoughts of the unknown terrify me at the moment and anything less than 50/50 I couldn’t cope with.
I do think time may heal…20 January 2019 at 7:38 am #19824
Welcome. The people here have and still are really helping me come to terms with everything that’s happening. It’s a God send. Take it one day at a time and keep busy is the best advice I can give.
I’ve been spending my days redesigning rooms and getting everything in my life in order to move on. Try not to think about the past it won’t help yet. Save that for later
Seventh20 January 2019 at 5:58 pm #19828
Seventh, so sorry you are in this situation. I had roughly the same in 2010 only I had my son 330 days a year plus working full time.
The best advice I can think of is don’t expect too much of yourself. Deal with the practicalities first, and identify the things that make you feel good – I sort of “holed up” with my son for a few months and spoilt us both.
There will be time in the spring to deal with the hurt. Until then maybe set little targets you can achieve with your daughter – a new word, a new food, a new activity and enjoy it when you succeed. Good luck20 January 2019 at 9:00 pm #19833
Google “children’s centre near me” it’s government run but they are trained to help families in various situations. I go to one and it’s linked to my lil ones preschool. It’s a safe place to go n chat to other parents. Just know that what happens there is noted down and social services will help/get involved if need be. They do games and put toys out then a snack time before ending the session.