Newly seperated, wide awake but feel so tired

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  • #29773 Report

    Swifty284
    Participant

    Wide awake,  cant seem to sleep since my wife left me

    #29781 Report

    Lindsay80
    Participant

    Hey

    I am only 5 weeks in to my husband telling me that our 18 year relationship and 13 year marriage is over – he has slept with other women and I’ve forgiven him and probably would have done again! We are still living together (separate bedrooms)

    However as the cliche says time is a great healer! I’ve realised hat I wouldn’t want our 16 year old daughter to be treated in that way- so why is it good enough for me?!

    You cant make someone want to be with you- it will only make you feel worth, and you are worth so much more!

    I don’t have family close by, I teach so have had a lot of “thinking time” whilst being off- so have relied heavily on a couple of close friends- even just to send messages to that I would normally send to him! Could you do that?

    As for sleep- you are grieving, it’s a loss and a big loss! Could you see your GP? Do you go to bed when your shattered? Or just because it’s your routine? Read before bed- take your mind elsewhere? I didn’t sleep or eat for the first couple of weeks- continually thinking- who’s he with? What’s he up to? But that I’m reality didn’t  help me- so I gave my head a wobble for my daughters sake!

    You will get through this- and forums like this help

    I cry every time I tell someone that we have separated- but it is getting easier, even though it’s still very new and raw

    #29784 Report

    Swifty284
    Participant

    Everything you said is exactly what I am feeling, sleep is a luxury but I have lots of time on my hands.

     

    I do feel worthless and a failure. We are in a very similar position it seems.

    I dont want relationships at the moment but feel so lonely and attention from women feels like I’m cheating or have moved on when I havent

    I’m off at the moment too but would bury myself in work rather than my bed.

    #29786 Report

    Lindsay80
    Participant

    Thats hit a chord- all I have said is I’ve failed!!!

    The reality is, I haven’t done anything wrong- I haven’t cheated!!

    We need to reflect and look at our self worth- and we are worth soooo much more

    We are not failure- they left! and thats different- they ran (or in my case jumped into bed with someone else- instead of communicating with me) when things got difficult!

    #29787 Report

    Lou1979
    Participant

    Hi Both

    neither of you are failures or worthless.

    I left my ex-husband 2 years ago as I didn’t want to carry on with him cheating etc….. it took me a long time to not feel guilty for his actions and also to grieve for the loss of the relationship and marriage.

    It will get better and it will get easier, they are the ones that have done wrong not us. never doubt that for a second.

    always here if either wants to chat

    Lou x

     

    #29788 Report

    Lindsay80
    Participant

    Hey Lou

    Thank you for this! Its nice to know during the down times that people are on here being so supportive

    Lindsay x

    #29789 Report

    G.S.7145.P
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Wow lindsbil that sounds pretty familiar. My ex husband left me after 16 years together, he  had cheated throughout and I turned a blind eye. We did 2 rounds of ivf first one I lost the baby second didn’t work, and soon after he left me for another woman. We had to live together for 2 years and cos I tried to be so strong throughout it is only just hitting me the lose of my marriage. I’m currently on maternity leave so have time to think like you say, I’m not with my baby’s father, so feel a double wammy of guilt and think is it me that’s causing these failed relationships.

     

    #29792 Report

    Lindsay80
    Participant

    NickyGSP

    Congratulations on your baby!! Take time to enjoy every minute with your little one- it goes far too quickly

    I had my daughter at 22 so relatively young and then completed my teacher training instead of having maternity leave- hard work but worth it and allows me to be independent once our finances/divorce are sorted. We also have to continue to live together until our house sells!

    I portray myself as a strong independent woman yet have allowed myself to be manipulated by this man- and now I just feel stupid for allowing it! I am pleased to say that I have seen the “light”…… he wanted to go down the legal separation route (takes 2 years)- I have thought again long and hard and decided why should I let him choose again- time to take back some control

    Lindsay x

    #29799 Report

    Swifty284
    Participant

    Thanks for all your words and advice, decluttering all our joint items is hard. Pictures etc hit a chord but I know i have to to start some closure.

    And yes talking to you all is what I need , and a damn good hug from my best mate (a lady) but strong mentally and physically x

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Swifty284.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Swifty284.
    #29804 Report

    Lindsay80
    Participant

    Swifty284

    Its good to remember the good times too!! I would hate to think that id wasted 18 years with my husband without some good memories after all

    Lindsay x

    #29806 Report

    G.S.7145.P
    Participant

    Swifty284 – yep photos are really hard. My ex husband said to me I could have them all – hmmm thanks clearly meant alot to him.

    Though 3 years on I’m now thinking what do I do with them all and my wedding photo album wedding dress etc 🤔

    And yes hugs are a great help – so get them if you can

    #29807 Report

    G.S.7145.P
    Participant

    Lindsay,  well done you for taking back control!!

    I’ve had my baby at 39 after being told I couldn’t conceive naturally hence ivf and then met someone new and fell pregnant. So did my ex husband with his partner and part of me is so upset he ruined things with us telling me he wouldn’t have had left me if we had had a child. And now he is a happy family xx

    #29810 Report

    Swifty284
    Participant

    My wife says she just fell out of love with me which hurts as I clearly havent.

    House full of memories is a strange concept, I keep attempting to clean rooms but each room feels empty and awkward

    Thanks for your words Nicky

    Much love to you all Gary

    #29823 Report

    Abbyr
    Participant

    Heartbreaking experiences – I’m sorry to read them.   We’ve all had those hideously dark phases with stomach-churning sadness.   But for me, the trick is to allow yourself to blub as much as you need to.   It is a physical release.    Also, writing feelings down, like a diary, has helped me a lot in the past.    You can read it back to yourself, or not.   And write as much as you like, as often as you like.    (I didn’t want to burden friends endlessly, so I found it equally therapeutic getting my feelings down on paper, and out of my system).    Cliched as it may sound, you won’t feel this rubbish for ever – the pain WILL lessen over the coming weeks and months, and you will be you again.   And probably a stronger, healthier version of you.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Abbyr.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Abbyr.
    #29847 Report

    Swifty284
    Participant

    life has been dark recently but the light is there.

    Each day I get one step closer, thanks everyone for there thoughts and words.

    Move on and up I say x

    Living for the day not the pay

    Gaz x

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)

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