Newly Separated with Mental Health Issues – I don’t know where to start.

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  • #44158 Report

    singingsister
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    My 12 year marriage has been on the rocks for a while, mainly due to my mental and physical health “challenges” and that he feels more of a carer to me than a husband.

    I have two beautiful girls age 10 (currently starting CAMHS assessment for ADHD) and 6 – both are daddies girls.

    My husband told me Saturday that he didn’t know if he loved me anymore (he also told me this back in November 2014) and that he didn’t know if he wanted to be married to me anymore.

    Obviously I was shocked and I am heartbroken.

    His mental health isn’t in a great place, his dad died, lockdown and he is currently at risk of redundancy from a job he’s been at for over 5 years that he loves and that’s all hanging in the balance and he recently (finally) spoke to the GP and got prescribed anti d’s.

    He has decided today that he wants to move out for 6 months to try and sort his head out, see what he wants etc.

    This of course leaves me and the girls in limbo.

    He wants to rent a room somewhere locally so he can still see the girls etc which is fair enough, but the only way I can afford to live (as I am on disability benefits) is to claim UC. However from what I’ve read, they generally don’t accept claims where the marriage separation is temporary and/or there is a chance of getting back together.

    My heart wants nothing more than to get back together with him, but despite how heart broken I am feeling right now, I’m wondering why I should be letting him waltz off at his convenience when I am expected to parent the girls the majority of the time and pick up the pieces of their broken hearts.

    We rent a house and need to find out if we can get our tenancy agreement put in my name only – as I believe you need this to happen to claim UC. The problem I think I may encounter is despite having lived in our house since 2014 due to past bad credit we have 2 guarantors. We’ve never missed a months payment in all that time but I’m worried they won’t just take his name off the agreement but want to start the referencing and credit check procedure again. And if we needed 2 guarantors at a time when we were both working full time (with recent bad credit), why would they allow just me, who ISN’T working to have the property. I’m so worried and I DON’T want to move house.

    We are currently living together as it’s going to take some time (days or weeks I don’t know) to sort his accommodation and he doesn’t have anywhere else to go as he’s from Scotland originally and we live near London. All our friends are “mutual” (another worry of mine) and we haven’t yet told anyone of our impeding split, and we are taking it turns about to sleep on the sofa (I definitely don’t want to share a bed with him!)

    Tomorrow we need to tell our children the news (poor girls) as we have a CAMHS Zoom meeting Wednesday after school and it’s vitally important CAMHS are updated with our family situation, so obviously we need to break the news to the girls first.

    We’ve also got a daddies girl cockerpoo puppy which I will have to take over main responsibility for and I am crapping it!

    There’s so much to do and I don’t know where to start.

    What I do know is that I hate his face.

    #44159 Report

    TracyMoss
    Participant

    He sounds as though he does not want to take his responsibility serious anymore and he has now decided he wants his freedom.He is selfish he wants to have his cake and eat it and he does not seem bothered about the mess he leaves behind

    #44160 Report

    singingsister
    Participant

    thank you for making me feel a little bit better.

    x

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