Newly separated mum of 5 month old after infidelity
26 May 2021 at 3:41 am #54642
Hello, this is really hard for me but I’m hoping for a little bit of help or guidance or even just comfort I suppose.
Me and my ex have recently separated, initially due to us having issues related to the bedroom, however once it was decided my ex decided to tell me that he’s actually had feelings and some form of relationship with what i thought was just a very close friend of his. My heart sank and everything I thought he was completely changed, I understood as to why he seemed so not bothered about trying to make things work as we’ve been together for over a decade and it was simply because he’d moved on.
it annoyed me as I just wish he was honest with me from the get go, but it seems our relationship was something completely different to what I thought it was. I now see his true self and it breaks my heart to see that it doesn’t seem to affect him.
as I stated we’ve got a daughter who’s just under 6 months old and I’ll admit I’ve struggled a lot due to Covid and just being a new mum and having lack of support from my partner at the time. I can now see why. I’ve tried to be an adult and ask him questions about this new relationship and he was aggressive and wouldn’t answer my questions, and to what we originally agreed was to be civil and be in separate rooms until me and baby move out, I decided that I can no longer accept this and he needs to leave the house until we’re out.
my financial circumstances aren’t great, otherwise I’d have left the house already but I honestly don’t know where to begin with it all. I know it’s going to be difficult both emotionally and physically but yeah I suppose I just wondered if there was any advice or anything. I have an appointment soon with my health visitor regarding advice on how I can start fresh but it’s this in between and this fresh news that I’m struggling to cope with. I felt great at first because he made me feel for a long time that I was the cause to our relationship being so rocky and ending, making my mental well-being become heavily affected and now I can see it’s because he knew he was doing something wrong but didn’t want to end it himself, he’s admitted he wished I got fed up and ended it so it was dealt with.
sorry I know this is lengthy and I suppose I’m unsure as to what I want from this besides just putting it out there and seeing if anyone else is in a situation similar.
I have said from the get go of us separating, when it was amicable at first, that I would never let him stop seeing his daughter as he feared that, there was no reason for that to be something I’d ever dream of but now I know why he was so worried I’m so conflicted with it all. I’ve asked him at this moment in time to not allow our daughter and his new woman to meet as I don’t feel it’s appropriate right now. I know she’s so young to not realise or understand, but now I’m concerned that I even want to leave her with him as he just doesn’t seem to care about me and my feelings anymore that he’s going to just do it anyway. I know I can’t physically stop him seeing her but I shouldn’t have to feel like this I don’t think. Again I’m so unsure with it all.
many advice or even just anything from anyone would be appreciated. I don’t have a relationship with my family and all I have/had was my partner and his family and that’s awkward now too. I do have friends but I suppose something from outside of what I know might help. Thank you