Newly separated

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    DaniMarie
    Participant

    Hi, 

    Last weekend my husband of nearly 3 years, together for 7 and have two young boys together turned around and told me he no longer loves me and he is not happy with our marriage.

    This was a massive shock to me as I believed everything to be good!

    He was acting differently for the two weeks before but he promised me it was because he was changing jobs.

    During our conversation he said he has been battling these feelings for around 6 months and tried to change his mind and how he felt.

    He said he “tried” to make it work but hasn’t allowed me to try to fix the issues he has said have caused him to become unhappy.

    We are still living together for our children,(in my mother in laws council house) I’ve registered with my local council for housing and I need to try and figure out what benefits I am entitled too….. But I have no idea where to even start!

    He keeps saying he could end up changing his mind but I am so Confused.

    I suffer with anxiety which has been heightened by all of this.

    Im trying to put on a brave face for the boys but it’s really hard.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated xx

    #44932 Report

    Momster1980
    Participant

    Hello. I am so sorry to hear this. I too have recently separated. My husband of 5 years, together for 11, left me and our two children last week. There were several reasons why but the main issues has been plaguing us for some time and is not something we can seem to resolve and the living environment is not good for our kids. I too have anxiety and have had to take periods off from work due to it. The reason I tell you this first is so that you can understand that I totally get where you are coming from.

    Seperating is hard and people keep telling me that my husband might want to come back although he has said no such thing himself and even if he did I do not see a way to resolve the issue we have. The fact that your husband is telling you he is not sure is a bit of a red flag. If he has felt this way for several months, what is to say that even a temporary separation could help – however it might be what you both need to decide what you want to do.

    There is no easy answer (I wish I knew myself). It is very hard and I know it is still very raw for me at the moment but my advice would be to take each day as it comes. Obviously I do not know your exact circumstances but it seems that at least he has been honest about how he feels and not let it fester too long as this could make things much worse. 6 months is a lot of time to try and work out how you feel about someone I think.

    In terms of benefits etc, I have applied for Universal Credit which was quite straightforward on their website. There are calculators that you can use to see how much you could be entitled to which are useful. In respect of the fact that you are both still living together, his income would still be taken into account for your claim I believe. This is where it is quite hard in your circumstances as it’s like a chicken and the egg situation. I do not know how many bedrooms your mother in law has however again your local council should take into consideration any overcrowding issues and you should be able to find out what the bedroom allowance is for your circumstances on your local councils web site or from your local housing office.

    Good luck and I hope things work out for you x

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