Newbie..fiance walked out
26 March 2021 at 9:57 am #52012
Hi, I am new to this site and just wondered if anyone else was going through a similar experience to me and had any tips on how to successfully move forward. My fiance and I were together 6 years (we are both in our early 40’s) and we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. We should have gotten married last September (all booked and paid for) but had to postpone due to Covid to this September. We had a great life, as a couple and a family, or so I thought.
We celebrated Valentines Day, talking about our wedding / plans for the future, he said how much he couldn’t wait then one week later he said he didn’t love me (hasn’t for a while) and he left. He has cancelled the wedding, moved all of this stuff out of our home (moved in to his mum’s, until he can move into a flat), told our little girl and already split our finances. He has been on furlough for the past 12 months and I know that he has found this very difficult (work is very important to him). So I know being a stay at home dad / househusband was never the plan for him. All he can say is throughout lock down his feelings have changed towards me (I had no idea and you would never have known by the way he has acted that this was the case) and he can’t see a future together anymore.
I have been completely blind sighted by this and am completely heartbroken. I fell such a loss of the life we had and the future we had planned. All our families and friends are in shock by his decision but he is adamant this is what he wants. I am doing my best to carry on but am really struggling to accept it and focus. I am still working and ensuring that my baby girl is affected as little as possible. He is a great dad so I am trying to make sure she can see him as much as possible. So much has happened in such a few weeks it feels somewhat surreal.
Any tips on how to move forward would be greatly appreciated, thank you26 March 2021 at 3:27 pm #52031
So sorry to hear what you’ve just gone through. You are very lucky he is a good Dad, and you are obviously very kind to still say positive things about him to others. If you want to chat please say hi. Craig27 March 2021 at 1:22 am #52036
Hi, I’m not sure how to comfort you and what to say, as my husband and I are going through exactly the same. Only we’ve been married for 16 years and have 3 children. I feel like this lockdown has broken him, as I can hardly recognise him. His views and beliefs changed in the space of a week. He has always believed in marriage and being a good person/Christian, looking after his family etc.,but now he is saying the exact opposite. It’s blown my mind. He moved out and now I’m having to pay all bills , look after our girls and work full time. But the worst is that our unite is broken and my best friend is gone.27 March 2021 at 7:02 am #52039
My heart goes out to you. Here is you ever want to talk. It will feel like you are living a complete nightmare right now and I know it’s a cliche but things will get better. I’m so pleased to hear he is a good dad and keeping little one at the heart of this will make things better, they are the most important things after all. Make sure you take some time for yourself to get through this, it’s easy to get sucked into a trap of keeping yourself busy to numb the pain but you must keep in touch with friends and pull on your support network to help you through it x27 March 2021 at 8:36 am #52041
I’m going through something similar, been together 14 years, married for 8, told me end of 2019 he wasn’t happy and felt like we had drifted apart, there was some health problems that stopped us working on things straight away then lockdown happened. May 2020 he left to live with his parents but never really acted like he wanted it to be over. Everyone that knows us was just totally shocked and couldn’t believe it. Been back and forth with working it out but have never actually tried anything (lots has happened that’s prevented that but i feel like we could still try now) fast forward to last week when he told me he didn’t want to try counselling or coming home and it was over. I am totally heartbroken and devastated that he’s just giving up. I wish i could see into the future to know how my life will turn out. I now have all this stress over figuring out finances and the thought of having to share our daughter when i never wanted any of this. Its so unfair. If you ever want to chat send a message.27 March 2021 at 5:16 pm #52054
Thank you all for your messages. I know time is a healer and things will slowly get better. I think I’m still in shock to be honest and it’s only just all sinking in. Unfortunately I feel like I don’t know him at all now. He has always been so caring and loving and now he is like a stranger.
I too feel like I have lost my best friend, partner and my family. I am talking to my friends and my parents, they are all wonderful. Nothing fills the gaping void I currently feel, home doesn’t feel the same anymore. I will focus on my darling girl and carry on the best way I can.
All my thoughts are with everyone else going through awful heartbreak: