New to this sort of thing but here goes

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  • #53250 Report

    ScottishFireFly
    Participant

    First off I just want to say I’ve never used any sort of site like this before but came across a post on Google and hoping this can help.

     

    So I met my wife (soon to be ex I think) when we was 17 year old im now turning 29 this year.  We’ve been through so much together we have two stunning little girls a house marriage etc but around 2 years ago I lost my job and fell into a pretty dark place in my mind. It led to me being very lets just say (in my own head) I stopped going out with friends i started to become anxious and it got that bad that I stopped going out with the wife and kids and if I did go out I’d make a moan about it purely because i was filled with anxiety and super depressed but I didnt open up to even my wife about this. I kept trying to hide how I felt for whatever reason but during this time my wife started to sit and watch things alone at night while I’d be hiding away in the next room trying to distract myself from how horrible I felt inside my head but it got to the point that I didnt even notice how much I was saying no when she would ask to watch a film or go for walks with the kids etc.

     

     

    I just couldn’t bare going outside… anyways I’ve been doing alot better to get up and out the door. I’m doin more with the kids and id been trying to do more with her but it just feels I have lost her. She told me she doesn’t love me in that way anymore and it’s killing me to accept this. The last thing I want to  do is leave but thats what she wants I dont even know if any of this makes sense for people but I just do not know what to do or who to talk to. I feel like my whole world is being taken away from me.

    Thanks if you take the time to read this.

    #53268 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    I would suggest if you could look into marriage counselling to try improve your relationship. if you have been unhappy, it’s likely things will get a lot worse if you break up, and could end up having arguments about spending time with children.

    #53272 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Not surprising you feel like that,it can be devastating.

    From what you have written here it sounds like you lost your job and got depressed and bc you weren’t well/available/whatever you want to call it, your marriage started to fall apart.I think Steve3334 is right-marriage counselling might be helpful.You didn’t say anything about any foul play like some people on here do,neither did you mention if your depression is over or if you’ve got help for that, so nobody knows what your wife might have gone through in past two years or how bad it is/was.Might be a good idea to tell her -from the people who know- that splitting up is often just exchanging one lot of problems for another!

    I hope things get better for you.

    #53277 Report

    JulieM8tley
    Participant

    Glad you felt up to sharing, that’s a positive.

     

    I agree with the other replies, get some help and advice, amd tell your wife you love her and want to try again.

    I’ve recently been through divorce, it’s not easy, and certainly hard on both sides and kids. If you can work things out, it has to be the best option

     

    good luck with everything, I hope you can all turn this around.

    #53288 Report

    ScottishFireFly
    Participant

    Thanks alot for sharing thoughts and advice everyone. I just feel within me that while going through my rough time it was like I was walking along the train tracks in the rain snow and thunder but by the time I reached the station the train had already left… I cant see a future without my wife in it and its so hard. I just genuinely think she has in the period I wasn’t myself she has lost her feelings she had towards me but its like I cant really do anything to get them back. I just wish I could turn back time and have gotten help after I lost my job but I know that won’t change anything now.

     

    But I ask anyone who has went through this how do you get used to being you again? How do you work towards not feeling so alone? I want nothing more than to cuddle her and express my feelings to her but I know that’s not what she wants.

     

    Sorry if I haven’t really replied to people individually I just don’t know how to talk about it.

     

    Thanks again.

    #53289 Report

    JulieM8tley
    Participant

    After time, you start to find you, you find what you enjoy, and who you are, it takes around 2 years they reckon to get over a separation. That would be about right for me

    #53293 Report

    Red05
    Participant

    Can I just say I hear you! I am also new to this and never posted anything before.
    Your situation seems so similar to mine. I’ve struggled with post natal depression – severe and plodded on causing more and more stress as I did. 12 months ago my husband told me he doesn’t love me anymore. I’ve stayed and tried and tried continually getting knocked back. If your wife is open to counselling grab it with both hands and fight for your marriage if not I’m told I need to be brave and start to rebuild my life. It’s almost broken me trying for 12 months without anything back – life is so so short!
    Xx

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