I split with my husband in May. I have two beautiful boys one 10 years old and the other 2. Was with my husband 11 years and Married for 7 years. I never saw it coming and totally destroyed me. I’m at the stage hes threating me for half of everything. I dont know if its empty threats. I feel hes pulling all the strings hardly sees the boys. When he does it’s when it suits. I’m constantly crying my self esteem is at the lowest it’s ever been. I’m taking it a day at a time but each day seems to get worse. When he does phone or see the boys its turns into a argument. I feel my whole world has been destroyed and cant see a life without him in it. How can you hate,love and miss someone all at once . Any help is so much needed. I need to find other people in my situation as I feel so along. I have great friends and family but feel they dont completely understand.
Stace I’m so sorry this is happening. It has to be the worst feeling in the world. I found concentrating on the practical helped. Or was at least a distraction from all that hurt/angry/bewilderment.
You’ve got to try to take the initiative. start thinking how finances could work going forward. Write a budget, bills, cm, benefits. If your ex has left tax docs & bank statements in the house, copy everything & file it away.
And access. If you are going to live apart, what could work for you & suits your children best. Set the expectation now that he will see your boys regularly.
How will you communicate. Choose something that is timed, dated and can be retained. It sounds silly but will help avoid the emotive while trying to maintain good levels of contact for the children.
Reassure your kids. (I’m sure you are anyway) Tell them they are the most important thing in the world. Lots of cuddles and try not to let them see you upset.
And take care of yourself. Try to eat, get as much sleep as possible. Don’r expect too much of yourself. It’s tough. 💐
Thanks so much kathy .I’m so weak. I cant seem to get over this hurdle .I petrified if he meets someone else. I hope your doing ok . Theres a lot to sort out and I never wanted any of this thanks for your advice. Xxx
I’m seven years in so I’ve had time to deal with it (but it still makes me sad).
You aren’t weak, you’re human & in shock. Your life has been turned on its head. No-one should expect to take this stuff calmly.
Try to manage one thing. perhaps email him calmly with a suggested schedule for him to see the boys. The happier they are, the less distressed you will be. It will help. And it will give you a starting point to work from. Try to do one thing at a time. x