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  • #62470 Report

    Toots
    Participant

    Hi. Just wanted to reach out. I don’t really know what I am doing and this is all so new to me.
    I have been with my now ex partner 15 years. Married for 9. Two beautiful boys.
    I discovered 3 weeks ago that he has been having an affair for 15 months with a woman he works with. I am utterly shattered. I have chucked him out. We have told the boys. I am devastated. They are devastated. My youngest seems to taking it the hardest. He is 9. I have a wonderful network of friends and family but nothing fills the void my husband has left. We have had an incredible 14 years together. I don’t known what happened. But this feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. He is staying at this woman’s house when he is not seeing our boys and I just can’t get my head around it. How can he be there when the devastation he has caused is here.
    sorry for just spewing my last 3 weeks on here. Like I say I am new to this.

    #62471 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear this. You did the right thing by chucking him out! You must be feeling so lost, even with your support network, like you say nothing fills the void. How did you find out? And was he sorry at all? It’s so raw still no wonder you can’t get your head around it. Such a hurtful thing to have happened. I think he will regret his actions in the long run.

    #62482 Report

    Toots
    Participant

    Hi. Thank you for your reply. The details are a little more than what I have said above. He has basically lived a double life the 10 months. Told her he left me in January. Everyone at work thinks he left me in jan and they are openly a couple there. I saw a message flash up on his phone one morning when he was in the shower, he clearly got lazy in hiding things and I saw it all. Told the kids immediately and chucked him out. Is he sorry? That’s a really good question. He says he is but his actions tell me otherwise. My kids are in bits. He is my youngest son hero. He idolises him and it’s heartbreaking.
    I am trying hard to be the bigger person. I don’t want hatred in my heart. I want to forgive what he has done and move on with my life but right now it’s so hard. I am so angry. It’s rejection. That’s the hardest part. I have loved him whole heartedly for 15 years. That doesn’t go away easily. X

    #62503 Report

    Annie64
    Participant

    In my experience they do not regret it at all. They live the single life and don’t care that they destroy their childrens little world as long as they are getting what they want..we know what I mean here. When they get the chance they will take it without a thought.  No care for the years of love you gave them. The worst is that when the children are adults and leave, they visit these deadbeat dads and think they are wonderful and it’s all your fault. They somehow blame you and idolise the parent who left.

    #62647 Report

    AnotherStatistic
    Participant

    I think that many of us fall into the trap of assuming what is in someone else’s mind – thinking they are as genuine as we are, or are as committed to the family as we are.

    I made the same mistake and it comes as a shock when you first realise. It does get easier though – the shock turns to sadness and anger, but eventually acceptance. It just takes time unfortunately.

    #62774 Report

    Momofboys19
    Participant

    I’m have so much empathy with you. I am currently going through a very similar situation… it really does cut deep. Keep strong. I’m just taking each hour as it comes at the moment.

    #62777 Report

    Mummyaa
    Participant

    This happened to me, almost identical but I was pregnant with our first baby, we had tried for years. It will feel awful now but I promise it gets better. You will rise above it all . Sending love

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