New to here needing some advice and hoping to make new friends 😞

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  • #47714 Report

    Nat_m1983
    Participant

    Hey,

    Im not sure where to start so I will just start by saying I have a 3.5yr old son called Ethan-John who’s my world. We currently have had his Dad walk out on the family rented home, and he’s left us in all debt, and not knowing what the future holds for us. For the past 2yrs I’ve experienced a lot of domestic/mental abuse from him, resulting in me just losing who I used to be, low self esteem, lonely and feeling down. Each day is like Groundhog Day I’m living. I’m 37 and know I’m not getting any younger, so fearing dating again one day scares me. When u meet new ppl, it’s like u have to give them ur CV to see if they are interested in u. Giving them the best version of urself and ur life, when really it’s not all roses…

    So i was looking online and was reading about Gingerbread and it sounded a good place to meet new single parents…

    Hope to be able to chat 💬 give me a msg x

    #47716 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    Hi,

    welcome 🙂 hope you and your sons doing ok. there are a lot of debt/counselling and management companies out there. have you tried speaking to one?

    #47719 Report

    Nat_m1983
    Participant

    Hey thanx for the reply. I have tried speaking with a couple of helplines, but it’s just waiting for them to get bk to me via email that takes the time. It’s such a mess the situation, I feel there is no help. I’m in military accommodation atm, and waiting to see if I can continue to stay being a ‘civilian’ on my own with just my son. Everything is taking its time, and my half of  rent used to get paid into my ex’s account, and he would then pay the rent when it was due. I’ve not had any contact with my ex since Nov, so my rent is over due. I’ve emailed and I’m waiting to see what happens, I’m scared of the bk log of rent that will be due x

    #48174 Report

    Peace71
    Participant

    Hi Nat,

    I’m new on here too and in a similar situation to you. Sadly, mental abuse is shockingly so common nowadays and narcissism on the rise, like you say leaving us females but a shadow of our former selves.  We women are strong thou. Its a shame its lockdown because it would be so much easier to meetup etc. do fun stuff.  We still can do SOME stuff together thou.. by the way where do you live? I’m in Ilford.

    Feel free to PM me to exchange numbers

    x

    #48177 Report

    Nat_m1983
    Participant

    Hey @peace71

    Thankyou for ur kind msg. How are u?

    it is a struggling time atm, but I guess we are all in some way with everything going on. I’m from Kent, not sure how far away u are to me?

    it’s really nice u offered some help, making new friends is the best therapy for me.

    I have friends and family around and don’t want to be pushed out of where I am, so I am just holding tight till I know x

    #48187 Report

    bs9127
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear about what you’ve been through, and how it’s left you feeling. I hope you’re able to find the right support to get you through the hurt and pain this has caused you.

    I became a single dad quite recently due to my now ex-partner becoming unfit to provide care for our daughter. Getting help and support for childcare and other expenses can seem tricky, but turn2us and Citizens Advice generally have a lot of good information on entitlement to benefits which I found useful.

    I’ve not given dating a lot of thought, but I do worry the same as you that finding someone who’ll accept me for who I am, and for what I am might be difficult. I’m 30 this year, and this isn’t at all how I pictured entering my 30’s, but I guess I hold onto hope that the right person will be embracing of me as a single dad, and of my daughter as well. Time will tell, but in the mean time I think making new friends who have faced similar challenges is important as it shows we’re not completely alone in this.

    Wishing you the best.

    #48188 Report

    Nat_m1983
    Participant

    Hi @bs9127 How ru?
    Thank you for ur msg, have u been on this platform long? I find it has been a help, tho not many ppl do msg, so it’s nice when u do have a reply to a worry u share.
    It’s a shame to hear ur having to face this alone too being a single parent. Each day passes without his Dad making contact and I just hate him even more then. I know how he works local still, and could anytime msg or make contact via email or letter, but chooses not to.
    I was told by friends and family to apply for child maintenance which I’ve just done. No doubt he won’t contact regarding that either, so I’m going to let professionals help with that aspect of things.
    Do u have contact with ur daughters Mum? Or is it no contact too for u? I don’t understand how so called parents can leave behind a child. It’s just a disgrace

    #48189 Report

    bs9127
    Participant

    @nat_m1983

    Just joined today actually – nothing to lose by signing up and engaging with others.

    Yes, sometimes it’s best to let the professionals handle those matters, though I’m sorry to hear he doesn’t seem to want involvement.

    My daughter has supervised contact sessions with her mother, and I presume it’s going to be that way for a while until she’s in a position where she can provide care again.

    I understand the frustration. In an ideal world parents would take every step to do what’s best for their children, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. That’s where we step in for our kids, and I don’t believe it’s our job to resolve the other person’s problems. Only they can do that.

    I’m happy to say she’s getting help with some of her problems now, but progress will take time. My hope is that she does continue with getting the help she needs so our daughter has a present mum in her life. It’s the kids who lose out the most at the end of the day.

    I hope you are able to find a way forward with the issues you face  with his father that works for you and your son.

    #48192 Report

    Nat_m1983
    Participant

    It’s good to hear she wants to get the help, least she recognises there are some issues. Maybe u both will sort the relationship once things are more settled with her problems.
    I don’t see anymore contact with my sons dad, he’s up and left since Nov. Nothing for his son for Christmas, not even a txt. So many ppl like the title of a mother or father, but aren’t quick enough to step up and prove what a parent actually is.

    #48193 Report

    bs9127
    Participant

    I don’t see a return to the relationship, but thank you.

    That’s very sad to hear that hear he’s made contact for that long – especially over christmas.

    I agree – sometimes it can feel like they want all the reward without any of the effort.

    I wish you only the best, Nat. I hope everything works out for you.

    #48194 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    I have a feeling you will hear from him shortly. after Child maintenance people start bugging him.

    #48198 Report

    Nat_m1983
    Participant

    @bs9127 I don’t know how a mother or father can up and leave, sometimes we all feel we could give up, but the real parents who want the best for the child don’t quit. I just feel sorry for him missing out on his sons life, cos one day someone else will take his place.
    Have u made many friends or had good advice on here yet? Will u still be staying on this?

    #48199 Report

    Nat_m1983
    Participant

    @steve3334 I don’t think he will even contact me, or pay anything. He just does what he knows best and that’s to run away for responsibility. He wont care if they threaten him with legal action, he just won’t pay

    #48202 Report

    bs9127
    Participant

    @Nat_m1983

    Totally agree.

    My situation was slightly different in that I had to end the relationship and ask her to leave due to the home situation becoming so unstable due to her behaviour. I just want to see her get better so she can be a mother to our daughter again.

    I’m still new to all this, but from what I’ve seen so far there’s a lot of engagement between people. Might be worth looking at the local groups as well to see what’s occurring.

    #48232 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    Hi Nat,

    Yep,it’s really awful and hurts a lot to see an ex partner not bothering about the kid/s.I find it really weird as my kids dad was close to my/our kids but after he left it became like just a past chapter of his life that he closed a door on,not like the kids were an important part of his life anymore.I had to really fight for  contact for them which I too thought was a disgrace.Some of my friends advised me not to bother which I felt was appalling & misleading advice but taught me to be careful what advice I accept and what not and from who,not every1 has your best interest at heart! I’ve thought for a long time there should be some kind of pre-nup idea b4 the kids are born binding parents to some kind of commitment! Funny there’s no qualification needed for the most important job in the world …

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)

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