New to gingerbread and on the verge of single parenthood. Feeling a bit lost

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  • #7443 Report


    Hi, As the title says I’m new to Gingerbread and on the verge of single parenthood and I’m feeling overwhelmed. Looking for advice and friends and somewhere to vent.

    Basically thanks to my husbands selfish actions (again) I am seriously considering leaving him. I wasn’t brave enough last time to go it alone, I stayed for the children sake also if I’m honest I didn’t think I could do it due to finances. We have 3 kids, I only work p/t, still one in childcare when I do and have done for 10 years while pays the mortgage and all of the bills, we agreed this for the sake of the kids. I/ We have no savings as cash always been tight and I owe a few thousand on credit cards from Christmases, clothes for the family, not silly spending on myself. On my wage there is no chance I can afford to feed us never mind mortgage etc with paying cards back. So i’m stuck.

    I’ve read the PDFs on here but struggling still. Never claimed anything before and tbh I’m a bit scared!

    #7444 Report


    ps. I should say he said me & kids  can stay at home and he’ll continue to pay but I can’t see that happening for another 20 years

    #7459 Report

    Hi 3boys, sorry to hear of your situation.

    Would it be possible to go down the traditional route of divorce, sell house, each take some equity and invest in a new property?

    Would you maybe be able to increase your hours and go full time, with hubby taking a share of the increased childcare costs?  This might buy you some more time to work on the relationship without as much financial pressure? Do you think that it is the debt which is putting an unbearable strain on the relationship or does it run deeper than that?

    Is he maybe just not very good with cash or do you think it could edge over into financial/economic abuse?

    #7510 Report


    HI Khaleesi, Thanks for the reply.

    I was hoping no to have to sell. The mortgage isn’t even in my name as when selling our other and buying this we were advised to do it just in his name to borrow more as I was on maternity leave. So I don’t even know where I stand with that.

    The problems that are making us split aren’t money, its more than that. Money is a bit of a worry but not a massive problem until I have to go it alone.

    I don’t think there’s financial abuse as if the children need anything he’ll get it etc. Saying that he has his own bank acc and I don’t even know properly what he earns, what he saves, nothing. Every penny of my wage is spent every month.

    No chance of extra hrs as I’m a job/ desk share.

    I’m almost a week into finding out about his latest deceit and he’s still at home on the couch.

    #7527 Report


    Hi 3boys

    Thanks for sharing your story on the forum. For advice about your legal rights around your shared home, and to talk about your financial options, you can call our free helpline on 0808 802 0925 and speak to our advice team.

    The helpline is often busy so you may have to try a few times to get through but they can talk you through your options.


    Rose (Gingerbread)

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