New Single Parent looking for friends in Sheffield who understand
14 July 2021 at 8:52 pm #56498
I was recently left (1month) by the love of my life (15years) and I have two children 8 and 2.
Really struggling with filling the empty time and need to meet new people who are also single parents and understand. I’m in Sheffield.
I don’t really have friends (sad I know) because my life revolves around my ex and our family time.
Now I’m alone and the loneliness is killing me.
Amie x15 July 2021 at 1:59 pm #56524
Unfortunately I’m nowhere near Sheffield but from what I’ve found mostly everyone here seems to be in that part off he world !
Terribly sorry to hear of your situation, I’m a year down the line from you and just want to say it does get easier I promise. Like you I’ve been left with the kids but that’s a bonus as you probably know. Your ex partner will eventually realise he’s made a big mistake, you stay strong. If you don’t mind me asking has he left for someone else or just for himself ?
the loneliness was worse in the evenings for me, join in some of the chats in the forum and you’ll probably find that they’ll keep you company in the quiet times, some of the people I’ve met here don’t appear to sleep 🙂
Try to stay focused, maybe write down how you feel so that later on when he comes crying back you can remind yourself of what he’s really about, also writing helps get it all out.
things will be ok, just give it time.15 July 2021 at 2:04 pm #56525
thank you for your reply.
He is struggling with mental health and announced out of the blue that he was no longer in love with me (night before he was telling me he loved me and would never leave)
I have tried to get him to seek medical help but he refuses and keeps telling me it’s black and white and we are over.
I’m so lost and confused. I miss him and so do the kids.
Ive never been alone before and it is so scary. Just feel so empty and alone.
Im glad that it does get better – He is stubborn and so know that even if he regrets his decision he will never go back on it.
Thank you for your kind words and support x15 July 2021 at 2:45 pm #56527
Not easy, my ex is Bi-polar so I have some experience of the issues, it was out of the blue though in her case it got very nasty very quickly. She did not get help until her whole life came crashing down. When she was back on her meds we tried again but it was never the same and after a couple of years we separated then divorced. Looking back I never really trusted her again.
It’s not sad that you have no friends outside the relationship ‘bubble’ – I certainly was in the same situation as I’m sure were many others on here. Even if you have friends often they don’t react as you expect or chose to stay out of it, however some friends really step up, you just have to reach out. It’s very early days but I’d proceed as if he isn’t coming back and if he’s working demand maintenance for the children if you are uncomfortable doing that just contact CMS and they’ll do it all – they don’t back date it so the sooner you do it the better. Regardless, good luck, you are not alone!15 July 2021 at 3:00 pm #56528
Thank you Cariad63,
Im sorry to hear you went through something similar. It’s so hard.
I desperately want him back but trying to move forward with the notion that he’s not.
Everything is just so overwhelming.
The kids are so upset and finding it difficult and I’m trying to be Switzerland for them.
All friends that I did have are supporting him and not me – so I guess I know their true colours right now x15 July 2021 at 3:50 pm #56536
Just breath! Think about what you and the children need. Food & a roof over your heads to start with. Think about asking him what contact he wants with the children or tell him what contact you are offering him with the children – they need to see their dad, if he does not feel strong enough or can’t be bothered then at least you have tried. Make sure it is about them and not him & you if and when he does see them. My ex could not be trusted with our children and even on the phone she only complained about her situation, in all the months she was ill she never once asked them how they were doing. In the end I stopped her seeing them and even had to stop her talking to them on the phone. I did arrange supervised visits but she never attended any of them.
It is in my opinion vital that you don’t complain about him to the children or let them overhear conversations with others / or him to that effect. There were times when I hated the air that my ex was breathing but I did / have never said a bad word to them about her, your not doing it for the ex your doing it for them. They will know this, my children have to endure her slagging me off all the time and they hate it, they know I don’t and respect me for it.
Friends – my ex wrote to all of ours and my family telling them all what a monster I was (all rubbish, a couple even printed it off to show me) – in time they all realised that she was ill and any who had been a bit off came around, though I never thought of it as picking sides. The only side I had was the children, everything I did was for the protection or benefit of the children. What she was unaware of was that I had access to all her emails via the server so could see exactly what she was plotting, saying & doing, it wasn’t pretty but did help me build my case to get custody of our children. When she was back on her meds she wrote to them all again to clarify she was ill when she wrote the bad email / letters and it was all lies. All I am saying is that it is possible as it was in my case that he might be making up lies to garner sympathy. If that is the case just rise above it – look after you and your children you know what the truth is, its not worth engaging with any former friends if they are being off with you, the dust will settle there as well, make new friends if you need to.
You say you want him back, there is nothing wrong with that just be sure that it’s for the right reasons, in the mean time I suggest you proceed as if he’s not coming back. It might annoy him but get your life & admin sorted, show him that you are perfectly able to survive and care for your children without him. He had the children with you, he has responsibilities and that includes financial & emotional support for them if not you as well.
Are there Grandparents around on yours / his side?15 July 2021 at 4:47 pm #56549
my children always come first and I never say a bad word against their dad. At the end of the day they are his too.
Before he left he was an amazing Dad, now all he does is shout and swear at them.
He has severe depression and Won’t get the help he needs and doesn’t see the impact he is having on them. I have reduced contact due to this but don’t want to shut him out completely because they love him.
I have no idea what’s going on with friends other than they have asked me to not be in touch.
Grandparents my side – I’m from North Wales originally but moved to Sheffield to be with my ex and closer to his family.
So I am completely alone here.
His family were originally responding but now they have asked that I don’t contact.
I don’t need to be with him – I want to be with him because I do love him and before he left I genuinely thought we were solid and happy (we were meant to be getting married next month) He has always been my rock even now when he is pushing me away and leading a new life I still love him.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine what that was like for you.
x15 July 2021 at 5:06 pm #56554
Sounds like you have the right idea, I was reacting to your comment about it being overwhelming, sounds like you have a handle on it. Yes it will be tough but as I said your not alone on here.
I’m originally from north Powys so know how strong welsh girls are when they have to be! I’d be tempted if you can to take the children over to see your folks, bit of a change and respite for you.
Anyway I’d better get out of here and pick up my girls, good luck with it all.16 July 2021 at 8:59 pm #56620
although I can’t comprehend with what you’ve been through, it must be really tough on you, I also have an 8 year old same as you. My ex lives down near London as she has moved back down to her parents and took our daughter, the split was amicable on both sides but I find it hard at times not seeing her but we do Skype fairly often. I live in Sheffield and don’t have many friends around here but would love to get out more as I seem to be stuck in a rut going backwards and forwards to my parents. It would be nice to have a chat if you like and have some grown up conversation and maybe take our minds off our current situations. Like they say, “a problem shared is a problem halved”.
All the best . . . Mark17 July 2021 at 7:25 am #56630
It is so tough.
Yeah I would love to meet up and have a coffee.
Think adult conversation is what is needed. Difficult to go anywhere without my children at the moment with the 6 week holidays.
let me know when your free and we can arrange something x18 July 2021 at 1:48 pm #56652
Hi I’m not far from you, I totally understand where you are coming from, I’m divorced now and have 4 children 3 are on the older end but my son is still at school and I have some right hassle with my ex xx
- This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Sallysaz5. Reason: Change of word