New single parent in need of support

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  • #16167 Report

    Lilyflower43
    Participant

    Hi everyone, I’m new here (just joined this morning).  I’m 43 and a mum to 4 girls aged between 7 and 19.  Just recently separated from my alcoholic husband.  I’d been unhappy for ages (and so had the kids), and finally, at my wits end, I spoke to a relate counsellor (first time I’d opened up to anyone about what we’d been through) and told her everything, including some things he’d done that were really not very nice (not going into details on here).  Long story short, the police turned up last week and arrested him and took him away.  He was bailed to his Dad’s house, so I’m now by myself with the girls – in one way this is a massive relief after putting up with what we have for far too long.  In other ways I’m finding it hard and keep crying for no reason – I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’ve wanted him out for ages and now he’s gone I feel like I’m falling to pieces.  This is the second time I’ve been married and the second time it’s gone horribly wrong, and right now I feel like a complete failure.  I’ve got no friends or social life locally so feel very isolated (I live in the Birmingham area).  Just looking to connect with other single parents in the hope that it will help me to feel less alone than I do at the moment.  Thanks for listening x

    #16192 Report

    SHEF
    Participant

    Really sorry you are having such a hard time, have just joined today too..it may help for you to hear what I am finding…concentrate on just today, can you cope with just today ? yes you can, kids to feed, washing to do etc…don’t let your mind go to tomorrow if that is too much. I have done a lot of reading online…apparently we need to feel the feelings to move forward…not easy though. If I think a year ahead , I know I will be fine, just need to get through the now…maybe that would work for you, looking ahead to a settled and happy future with your children….one day at a time.

    #16221 Report

    Curlysue
    Participant

    Hi lillyflower43…….. your story sounds similar to mine!! I’m new to this today, don’t normally talk on forums but hoping to speak with someone whose going through something similar, I do have my family, friends but they’ve never been through anything like this so finding it hard to relate! My ex partner has/had an addiction problem as well, we have a 2 year old son together we’ve been together 15 years albeit on/off due to his addiction problems and he’s also acted not very nice!! We’ve been rocky for the last few months, not living together for the last month and a bit but still seeing each other until an incident and been officially separated about 2 weeks ……… I’ve felt the loneliness especially when it comes to looking after your child alone when you always pictured the happy family unit!! I have been going to counselling which has helped with perspective and found it a good starting place 😊

    #16240 Report

    Lilyflower43
    Participant

    Thank you both for your replies and nice to ‘meet’ you!  I think that’s good advice, take one day at at time and that’s what I’m trying to do.  Curlysue, I’m like you, normally a very private person and don’t talk much on forums or even post on Facebook.  But it’s nice to know I’m not alone and there are others going through similar (even if you wouldn’t wish it on anyone!).  It’s so hard at the moment, in spite of all the awful things my husband has done over the years, I didn’t ask for the police to get involved – I just talked to a counsellor at Relate and as it was the first time I’d ever talked to anyone about stuff like that, it was like the floodgates just opened and it all came pouring out.  They went to the police behind my back and they turned up 9 days later and decided to arrest him and that was that.  I don’t want to see him lose his job or face criminal charges – even through our relationship is over I do still care about him as a person and just want him to deal with his demons and get his life back together, for his own sake more than anything.  His family are all very upset that the police are involved and I haven’t even had the guts to tell my family what’s happened yet.  I feel like everyone is blaming me for what’s happened, even though I’m not the one with the drink problem and it just really hurts.  Sorry for ranting on like this but just need to get it out of my system. x

    #16284 Report

    Shopping123
    Participant

    Morning everyone,

    Sorry to read your situation’s. I’m going through the same thing.

    I was forced to leave the family home in April, I took my 5 yr old daughter with me.  Been married 11 years, been together 15. My ex husband to be is controlling but sadly I never saw it until this year. He wouldn’t move out so I moved to my parents and we are much happier. Sadly, he’s taking me to court for shared care, im not worried as he can’t give our daughter the time she needs.

    I take one day at a time, it’s the best thing to do, enjoy the time you have with your children. I have learnt life is very short and everyone deserves to be happy. X

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