New single mum worries

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  • #35587 Report


    I’m about to become a first time mum in the next two weeks. Falling pregnant was a huge shock to me and the ‘dad’. We weren’t in a committed relationship and I had not long been out of a 7 year relationship and I sunk a lot of time into my job. In the beginning he was great, supportive and we agreed we could do this even if not as a couple. Soon after he met someone and he turned into a vile, nasty piece of work. I’m torn between fighting for him to be on the birth certificate and pay towards the child. I’ve had to go on maternity so my finances have taken a huge hit. I’m worried about struggling and I’m torn between not wanting a penny off him to why should he just get to walk away because he’s bored already? Any advice on this topic would be greatly appreciated 😁

    #35588 Report


    Hi Jodie

    Im sure there will be plenty of support on here for you. Im not sure im the one to give you that support as there will be plenty of others better placed than i am. I can only say that as hes the father he owes you. Your right,why should he just walk away. Hey take care this site will help.

    #35591 Report


    You do not need to put his name on the BC for him to have to contribute financially towards his child. If you do decide tho to put his name on the BC  that’s totally up to you, if you decide not to (if he doesn’t come with you to register your childs birth) then you don’t have to  either. It will not impact his responsibility towards the little one in any way whatsoever so don’t worry about that.

    I think it sends out a wrong message to people to not have to face up to the responsibility of having a child, I personally don’t think it’s right that a person allows the other person to walk away without any financial input into the life of the little one they helped create. I think you should make him aware that he needs to contribute towards his child, hopefully voluntary. If he refuses or gives you a hard time over it I think you should open a claim with child maintenance people which can force him to pay towards his child. At the end of the day it is fully your choice. Good luck xx

    #35592 Report


    Hi Jodie I went through a similar thing with my sons dad. He has a new partner and has shown no interest in our son etc. You can claim child maintenance without him being on the birth certificate (I didnt realise this until last month when my son was 7 months old). If he refuses they can go directly through his employer. Also depending on your maternity package it’s worth checking if you are entitled to any help from universal credit. Feel free to message me. I hope you get everything sorted. Good luck with the baby x

    #35600 Report


    First of all thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Still very torn about taking his money. I’m actually very lucky and have a pretty decent maternity package but still will be nothing on what I usually take home and it will drop down to statuary after a couple of months. A lot of friends are saying it’s not worth getting him involved even financially. He said some pretty crappy stuff so he doesn’t have the biggest fan club. Thanks for the advice tho 😊 it’s much appreciated x

    #35605 Report


    To put him on BC he has to be physically present at the registrars office, if he is being nasty be aware that legally you will be expected to ask his permission before moving, going abroad and if he is on BC he technically has as much say in you and your babies life as you do. My ex was a total **** when we split he would keep my sons longer then he was supposed to just to exert control and upset me. You know better than me how likely he is to behave like that.

    It makes no difference to maintenance, as if he denies being dad they will do a DNA test.

    I certainly wouldn’t advise it as you use the phrase ‘fighting for him to be on the BC’. It’s not worth the hassle if he doesn’t want to be.

    #35607 Report


    Thanks for the reply – He won’t be on the BC, he wouldn’t sign it either way and he probably thinks that his way out of not paying any support. I’ve been reading up a lot though and I know that’s not the case now.

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