New single Dad!!

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  • #6042 Report

    ravko87
    Participant

    Hi everyone, My name is Dan, I’m 30 years of age, I’m new this world and I would like to tell a little about myself and my story, any men who relates to this I would be very happy to hear from you.

    I have recently become a single dad, I have a beautiful little daughter who is just 6 months old.

    There had been a few complications between me and the mother and we ended the relationship just before our daughter was born, I had a lot of legal problems as I was fighting for custody of my daughter due to the mother’s problems and I wanted to secure the safety and well being of my daughter, of which I was very successful of and now I am a single dad.

    albeit I had to make a lot of serious life sacrifices for my daughter, I had to give up my job, which i have always been a working man ever since I left school, and always worked hard and been independent person, now I am a little lost in the world as now I am no longer working, and I had to drop down in life to benefits, believe me, its not what I wanted but I could not let my daughter stay with her mother as she was a bit of an alcoholic and I didn’t want my daughter around her and witnessing this kind of things, and I also feared constantly for the well being of my daughter.

    It is a whole new world to me being a single dad, I go to play groups and children centers with my daughter, at this is a huge transition period, I am more used to mixing with work colleagues than a groups of mostly mothers and the odd dad from time to time, it is quite strange for me right now.

    I just joined this forum because I would like to hear, have advice and support from other single dads out there, I am new to this game, hey being a dad is great but it is still hugely challenging and rewarding..

    Dan

    #6044 Report

    Wookielover
    Participant

    Hi Dan,

    I am Dave and i have 8 year old and 17 year old. Also has 2 older sons but they have left home now.

    I have just become a single dad after losing my partner in October.

    Its been one hell of a struggle but I will get there.

    There will be days when it will be great and others where it will stress you to the max but there always people who can help.

    If you need any advice or just a chat let me know.

    #6045 Report

    Tom86
    Participant

    Hi I’m Tom I’m a single dad to my 2 daughters and my eldest son my story is pretty Mich the same as yours. I was fighting for my kids for 2 years when their mothers problems came to light it wasn’t pretty.

    I gained custody 2 years ago yesterday an I like you had to give up everything including work my gf at the time left me and we were all living in a one bed flat I was lost and it was all new to me . But now I have a steady part time job working 25hrs a week and a nice house. But I still can’ get used to going to kids parties and plays things like that I feel out of place like I don’t belong hoping that changes.

    If you want a chat just drop me a message.

    #6056 Report

    ravko87
    Participant

    Thanks guys for your input and support.

    I am right at the beginning of being a single dad, thrown in a the deep end etc.

    Everyday is a different day.

    I just want to ask, what benefits I would be entitled to it is just a complete lost world to me right now.

    I gave up my job for my daughter, I have always worked, and always been financially well of and independent, and never been on benefits, its not something I am comfortable in doing but I have little choice right now.

    It says a lot on this site and all other sites etc but it seems like a big maze to me, like a big spiders web..

    If you guys could just tell me with your own experience it would be greatful thanks…

    #6067 Report

    genuinefella65
    Participant

    Hold your head up,whether we liked it or not we had to pay national insurance. You would not have purchased car insurance not to claim if your car had been stolen. Have a go at a benefits calculator on dwp .

    #6068 Report

    Tom86
    Participant

    You should be able to claim income support/child benefit/council tax support and tax credits you should also be able to get housing benefit. The income support you should be able to claim untill your daughter is 6 yrs old then you would move on to universal credit or job seekers allowance.

    #6156 Report

    red23
    Participant

    As a mum, I just wanted to say, just go for it when it comes to socializing with other parents! Prior to parenthood I spent years working in a male-dominated environment… you might find the mums are just ok people if you talk to them more. You will need to make connections anyway for your kid’s sake, to arrange play dates and compare parenting tips.

    #6169 Report

    Jay
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m a single mum to 3 I just want to say well done,I take my hat off to you,its lovely to hear dad’s with custody,unfortunately I’ve been married and divorced twice first time my choice,I’ve 2 girls with him and second one cheated but was also violent we have a son,neither dad’s see their children,I’m glad I love giving mine all the time as I feel proud and think I’ve done it all on my own,I work part time with my mums help,I get child benefit, working tax,child tax and 25% discount on council tax that’s in maintenance from girls dad,but my sons dad walked out of his job to avoid paying,good luck,apply for what you can but be careful tax credits have cut mine by £80 a week I hardly get any,they decided idea I earn the too much last year I work 17 hours on minimum wage no idea how but that’s how it is,important just careful,good luck x

    #6179 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Hello

    I work part time but get help with working tax credit. If you work over 16 hours you will get extra help.

    I was lucky to keep my old job and went  back to work when child was 10 months as my ex sold his house to me . The nursery fees were very expensive and we had no help.

    When your child gets older get part time job as you will make friends and socialised.  It’s tough and lonely on this road.

    I love my little girl but I enjoy going out and mtg new people.

    #6201 Report

    maw2be
    Participant

    Hi Dan

    I will join to this “club” if we can call it.

    I’m single dad of two boys (10 and 8), also have a daughter but she live with her mum. My story is long too, as of ech of us. I know how hard this could be. I know how live can be hard…. but don’t give up, don’t do this if You can.

    #6203 Report

    RedWood
    Participant

    Hi do you have space in the club for a Dad who has been single for 6 months.

    #6204 Report

    Daddyoftwins
    Participant

    Hi Dan

    I’m new to this Gingerbread but needed to start talking to other single parents.

    I admire you greatly for fighting for and winning custody of your daughter great job. I’m Simon and have been a single father to my twin boys since birth even though was still married and living with their mother but have always been left with no choice other than to care for my children we were married for 10 years I brought her 2 children up from 2 years old  they call me dad to this day😊 then we had the twins 6 years ago she woke up one day Nov 2015 said she no longer loves me ?? I found out she had found a childhood sweetheart? In America  ? And was having intimate phone calls under our roof and behind my back I filed for divorce on her being as it was verbal abuse it was granted within 3 months.

    she married him within 3 months of divorce and had already moved out in Christmas 2015 leaving me with 2 step children and my twin boys ? That was a very brief translation I must write a novel as I have to tell my story and people do not believe this happens to us men . Where I want to pick up on your story is I’m the nicest most genuine guy a woman could meet honest and hardworking had a job since I left school 1990 never claimed benefits ever . After she left a month later my father had a fall and couldn’t recover so I took him in and cared for him he sadly passed away this March I managed being a carer full time as well as bringing my boys up perfectly my step children moved out in 2016 and went to their own fathers as I felt that their parents were responsible I was dad for 10 years ? But they love me dearly and I will always be dad to them . Again picking up on your story Dan since my dad passed I am classed unemployed single parent with my 6 year old twin boys it is the most awful time of my life I have never had to look for work claim benefits watch the pennies ???? I can understand with your young daughter as my twins left the hospital I cared for them full time she never changed a nappy imagine work was only important I had to give up work to look after all the children I spend all my time whilst boys at school looking for a job to fit around my children it feels hopeless sometimes I’ve always been a provider I am a very positive person and boy so strong to have survived this I tell you ok Dan thanks for listening hope not to rambling just feels great to talk to someone who understands

    thanks Simon

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