Hi everyone, so glad I’ve found others who feel my pain. Stu77 that sounds like my exact stories.
For me looking at the whole picture just makes me break down. I find take each day as it comes and give yourself goals. I can’t think about being without my children but I’ll make a list of things to find out & calms to make like preparing finances, advice on telling your kids etc.
I’ve joined a gym, this really helps me. It lets me get out my frustrations and feel so much more positive after especially if I go early morning. I think it important for me because it keeps me feeling better about myself.
Hi Stu77 – your situation sounds identical to mine, but I am nine months further down the road. I was surprised at how much I was told “it’s over” and “she’s not coming back.” No-one really knows each individual situation and the personalities involved. Plus, I think people need to come to that conclusion on their own, in their own time. I still don’t think I’m there yet despite everything that has happened since my wife told me she wanted a separation. She has given me no signs she is open to reconciliation, but I’m still clinging on to something.
The one good side to the “move on” advice is that it shifts the focus to you. You should start prioritising yourself as much as you can. And I think you do have to let go of trying control what you can’t. It’s hard. Some cope better than others.
I also find comfort in being the best Dad I can be for my kids and really being in the moment every second I get to spend with them. Part of my enjoyment from being a good dad was showing my wife what a good dad I was, but now I do it for no-one! There’s something quite rewarding about that!
Maybe there is hope for your marriage. It happens. If it doesn’t happen, you’ve got to do whatever you can to get through it. Find help wherever you can, and don’t be hard on yourself if you feel you aren’t doing a good job of coping. I feel like I’m writing this reply to myself too!
Thanks dadof2. Its great to hear you are coping and getting on with your life. And gives great comfort to me that things will get better. As you say at some point a person has to stop trying to control others decisions. Im certainly being the best dad i can.
I can’t really give you much advise as my situation was very different however, it’s still early days and the emotions you are feeling are very natural. It’s very much like going through the grieving process. Use the councilling sessions to tell her exactly how you feel. Do not hold back. I would also hold off on putting the house on the market until things are definate. Hope you are ok?