new seperated dad

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  • #16327 Report

    stu77
    Participant

    Hi im in the process of seperating. My wife has decided she doesnt want to be with me any more and im finding it very difficult to cope. I feel so guilty towards my children as i feel a complete failure. Knowing i will have to leave them and move to a different house absolutely kills me. Just wondering if there are any dads or mums i guess that can give any advise on how to cope. At the moment i am going from anger, pain, frustration, desperation, depression, guilt usually in the space of a day. I find myself just bursting into tears just randomly. Its just so bloody hard, especially when i am still deeply in love with my wife.

    #16330 Report

    MissStar1
    Participant

    My husband has been having an affair and said he is not in love with me any more. All a massive shock no real warning.  I am only 3 weeks into this and like you are depressed and frustrated. My only advice at the moment is to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Try and see your kids as much as you can.If possible stay in your home until you can make better arrangements. Call friends and family. Sit with them even if you feel like your making a nuisance of yourself do it. Its about survival at the moment. I too still love my husband and the pain is unbearable. But those children need you. That’s what I have to keep telling my self.  Keep your chin up.

    #16331 Report

    stu77
    Participant

    Thanks missStar1. I just feel so powerless. I mean a few months ago she told me she wasnt happy and hadnt been for some time. I asked what i could do and made a real effort but got very little in return, she said we should go to councelling which we have and i just dont feel she has given me the chance to prove how different things could be. Insistent we put house on market, its ripping me to shreds.

    #16332 Report

    MissStar1
    Participant

    I feel the same. He hasn’t given me any opportunity to really make ago of things. I knew things weren’t perfect. Like any marriage when you have young kids you stop making as much effort and your tired and stressed. But I honestly believed there was nothing we couldn’t get through or improve.I have tried to say this but I think now I just have to let him go. I am not saying that’s what you need to do. If there is any chance of saving things then do it. But you have to save yourself too. It’s like someone dying. You are grieving for them. I have no idea when it gets better I am just hoping that it will. You have to be good to yourself and not put yourself down. Like I said I am trying to surround myself as much as I can with people. There are lots of times when I am alone and the pain just feels unbearable. Don’t let her destroy you. You have lots to offer your children.

     

    #16334 Report

    Dru0918
    Participant

    Hi I separated just three months ago on my birthday. My wife said she doesn’t love me and asked me to leave the family home and I haven’t been back. It’s been so hard, I speak to the kids on FaceTime and see them on weekends and have lost my whole world. Some weeks are bad some are ok but it will get easier. Well until you start the divorce which we haven’t yet. I’m sure that will be hell. I just hope your wife is amicable, 80% of the time my wife is and that helps, when she is a cow it makes my day so much harder!

     

    I just want want to meet up with other dads and mums like me, as all my friends are married and when I see the kids I see them on my own and it’s so hard

    stay strong

    #16366 Report

    MissStar1
    Participant

    How are you today Stu77?

    #16372 Report

    stu77
    Participant

    Terrible. Got home to find estate agent taking pics of house and its just gutted me. Absolutely gutted me. Everything we have built together, all the memories, all the potential memories to create just being smashed to pieces!

    #16375 Report

    MissStar1
    Participant

    Sorry to hear that Stu77. I know it’s an awful question but do you think she is having an affair?

    #16379 Report

    MissStar1
    Participant

    if your name is on the morgage she can’t sell without you signing to agree

    #16380 Report

    stu77
    Participant

    She has said there is no one else, and that she doesnt want anyone else. I really dont think there is anyone else. Its just so damn frustrating that after 10 years together she wont just give it a chance.

    #16381 Report

    stu77
    Participant

    Oh meant to say…thanks missStar1 for taking the time to ask how i am.

    #16382 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Stu77

    why don’t you decline to sell at present, your home can not be sold without your consent. It sounds like you’re not ready just yet. Could you not look at buying her out? That way you provide some stability for the children and give yourself time to adjust.

    #16384 Report

    MissStar1
    Participant

    No worries Stu77. It was my 10th wedding anniversary this year! My husband kept denying having an affair. I only found out by accident when I realised he had booked a spa day for them both. After a lot of lies it came out and it turns out he works with her in Durham. I don’t know which bit hurts most the affair which is still going on, the lies or his general treatment of me in the aftermath. It is so hard to stay strong. I think the kids are all that is keeping me going at the moment. So my advice is definitely to see as much of them as you can. They keep you going.

    #16385 Report

    stu77
    Participant

    She wants me to sign…ive said no, i have said she has not given us the chance to work and that after 10 years surely 1 or 2 months is nothing to put a real effort in. All she says is it could take months to sell and thats my opportunity but she is very unlikely to change her mind. Yet at the same time we have a councelling session tomoro?. Is she just messing with my bloody head..or is there just a tiny bit still there!

    #16391 Report

    MissStar1
    Participant

    Does she not want to talk it through. Ask he just to be honest with you that she owes you that much.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)

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