New mum to a 3 month old, partner gone awol.

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  • #61940 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Any advice would be much appreciated 🙂

    I have known my babies father for years and we would see each other on and off in the past – more so and more seriously last year when we conceived. Neither of us used protection but tried to be careful and were both shocked when I became pregnant. I wanted to keep baby (I was happy and excited) but bf expressed he was not keen to keep baby however he could understand why I would want to. Things seemed ok from then on. I felt bf dealt with things well overall.
    At 5 months pregnant bf ghosted me and I found out during this time that he was seeing someone else. I was shocked. Around this time Bf did not come to any of my scans either and had demanded a DNA test! My worst nightmare was coming true. It’s like bf had flipped!
    Bf admitted to seeing someone else when I confronted him, we had a long chat and we agreed we wanted to move forward from this. Bf did not push for a DNA test after our chat and things settled down. Bf came to the birth and once baby was born bf was AMAZING! Could not fault him. Bf said he was ‘so happy that we are a family’ and that he was ‘sorry’ for how he was before. I was shocked at his response to baby and me. I was really happy and relieved but felt that this could all be too good to be true?

    Fast forward to present. Bf works away a lot and is currently working away until December. In the last few weeks bf seems quieter/different with me and over text has had a go/dig at me on occasion. Bf is going over old ground saying that his thoughts were not taken into account about keeping the baby and that he ‘still feels the same’. Bf does not ask how baby is …… but has said that he will come and see him when he is back.
    It’s like bf is two different people!!
    I confronted him about his erratic behaviour only for him to say that I am playing the victim?
    Bf is amazing when he is with us in person he really is/was – but when he is away working I feel like he’s a completely different person.
    Bf’s past (short!) relationships say similar things – he has a tendency to ghost and/or gaslight. The difference this time is he has a baby he is responsible for. I will not be putting up with his behaviour for much longer but at the same time this is all very new for us and bf has not been around baby for very long to bond with as bf went away to work before baby was 1 month old.
    Currently I’ve stopped reaching out to bf and am going to see how bf is when he returns and we can have a face to face chat. I’m starting to wonder if bf is a sociopath/narcissist or if he just needs time to adjust to all of this as like I said, bf is amazing with baby and I when he is here with us.

    I’ve been beside myself at times, really low and scared and not sure how I’ve got through all of this, however I feel I am stronger now. I don’t know where I stand with bf and it’s getting to the point where I will have to make a very big decision about our future. I’m just not sure how much time I should give him before I lay down the law as it were.

    #61944 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Hiya, so this behaviour does sound very psychopathic & narcissistic. I had this experience with my ex and he left us when our baby was 4 month. From your message it sounds like you are focusing on his irrational behaviour & wanting more from him, however I would maybe suggest you look at the fact you are not getting what you want from him so maybe plan your future without him & what is best for you and your new baby. If he turns a corner and starts stepping up as a father that is a positive, but at least you have prepared yourself for him to not be a part of your future. Is he on the birth certificate?

    #61945 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Thank you CA21. He is on the birth certificate yes, he was excited when we registered our baby together. His behaviour is irrational and I am wanting more than I am getting currently. His personality switches quite dramatically and I find that most upsetting. His parents have sympathised with me as they are aware and have been used to his behaviour for a long time, they are extremely supportive which I’m so greatfyl for.

    #61946 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    So sorry to hear your ex is/was similar 🙁

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