New mum single surprise

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  • #60123 Report

    JL07
    Participant

    My pregnancy was planned however since the birth my partner has made it clear he doesn’t want to be with me long term and can’t be around me and new son very much – no more than twice a week – as he has other children (3 ranging from 8-12yo). He says he loves us and is trying but it just feels like we’re bottom of his to-do list.

    I am pretty much financially independent with a good job. Have sorted out nursery for after my mat leave already. Have plenty of family and friends support around but they think my partner is around. In reality I’m on my own every night. I’m now heartbroken it doesn’t seem to have worked out and I was naive/blind to think the ‘planned’ side of this was mutual. I’m so confused and would like some emotional support but it’s so hard to admit that I’ve messed it all up for my son. I didn’t know I would have to be both mum and dad. I think my son should have a strong male figure in his life. Feel so guilty he has been brought into the world in this way. I’ve tried talking to my partner but it doesn’t get me anywhere. He hasn’t offered any financial support – I don’t want to have to go to through the courts so will see how I get on. I’ve paid for absolutely everything throughout pregnancy but because his job was unstable due to the pandemic. He has some stability now but on a FTC until next summer. I am 40 this year and can’t believe I have been so stupid.

    #60238 Report

    JL07
    Participant

    Doesn’t appear there is anyone out there who wants to chat. Disappointed.

    .

    #60239 Report

    MR2123
    Participant

    Hi JL07

    Just picking up on you saying you have messed things up for your son – firstly it doesn’t sound like you have done anything wrong here. You aren’t responsible for your partners actions.

    Secondly I am sure you love your son and will give him the support and care he needs

    Its difficult not to but it’s easy to focus on what you think may be missing rather than all the good things that are there

     

    #60307 Report

    Mazz123
    Participant

    Hi sorry to hear you are having a hard time I went through similar experience in the past I suffered for a long time living with an emotional abuser and 4 young children 2 of whom were his I couldn’t face admitting to my family that I failed again they were against my second husband from the start and I chose him over my family so when it all went wrong at the age of 40 ! I felt so bad but I didn’t have a choice I had to pick myself up and make myself strong again for the sake of my children 👶 they have never had a good relationship with there dads no support financially or emotionally just have to get on with it and be a good role model for them focus on being a good mum and everything else will fall into place x

    #60311 Report

    Nessa37
    Participant

    I am in a very similar situation, rather unexpectedly on my own with a 6 week old son and an ex partner (I assume yours is an ex too and you are not still together since he made you a single parent? As you still refer to him as your partner…) with 2 children from his previous marriage. I was literally right at the bottom of his priority list as he also had a very busy job (family business) and was still playing happy families with his ex – all for the sake of the children of course!

    He can now only see our son twice a week. Funnily enough he expected me to be happy with that and carry on being in a relationship with him!

    I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and you are not the only person in the world going through this.

    I have some financial support from him because i insisted on it but if he ever decides not to pay it i will not hesitate in getting in touch with CMO to enforce this.

    The feelings you have right now will pass. You are not stupid and have no reason to feel guilty. You haven’t messed anything up!  You have no control over the actions of someone else!! My ex was definitely guilty of stringing me along and making me believe we were headed somewhere he has now said he cannot offer and I felt stupid and heartbroken for a while.

    But I have a little one who needs me and I’m done wasting any of my precious energy on my ex.

    I would fess up to your family as soon as possible although difficult you’ll get more support which will make you feel less alone.

    I know it’s said too often but I know that time really does heal all and my focus right now is on my future with my son and creating the best possible life for us. Because I’d do it all over again just to have him here with me.

    If I were you I’d stop wasting your time and energy trying to talk to him  – men do not listen to words only action. Please stop calling him your partner ASAP! Xx

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