New in the forum
24 April 2020 at 9:56 pm #39351
I am becoming a single parent amidst hard relational circumstances. It seems that things will escalate; partner doesn’t want to even talk about separation let alone make decisions together. After the difficulty in leaving I will face the fear of living alone with my 2,5 years old son. I feel so anxious about it! So I am looking to feel connected with others who have gone and/or are going through similar experiences. Any kindness is so welcome at the moment.26 April 2020 at 1:59 pm #39403
That does sound like a lot going on for you at once. Just to clarify: are you contemplating a separation or have you already separated?
If you have not yet separated, my best advice would be to list all of the things you will need to address (housing, finances, proximity of family/friends’ support, child contact arrangements, etc). Not particularly easy at the moment thanks to COVID, but it will help to make things clearer in your mind. I’m fairly sure there are resources online which will assist in drawing up mutual parenting plans with your ex if you think this will help. It is difficult when the other side refuses to communicate; however I am sure that if s/he wishes to retain any form of contact with your son, they will have no choice other than to start listening at some point. Make sure you keep all ‘official’ communication in writing, and consider any reasonable request the other party may have regarding contact, etc.
I would also ask that you keep in mind this may not be an easy time for your ex/soon-to-be-ex, either, and some people react to difficult situations by burying their head in the sand as a coping mechanism. Remember that, as adults, the priority for both of you in all of this is a smooth transaction for your son.
I only joined Gingerbread yesterday, but already have had a significant amount of support on here. I am certain there will be others in your situation who have been through it and will be able to offer some more specific advice. Continue to reach out to the forum for support and advice, and I am sure you will be fine 🙂
Steve.26 April 2020 at 3:46 pm #39404
Hello , it’s really difficult to separate when you have children , lack of communication only affects the children , I am experiencing heart ache like no other pain Ever felt , 15 weeks Tuesday my husband walked out on our marriage and it would seem children he won’t communicate at all not paying any CSA then I see him sporting a new gf and her four kids I’m crushed here if anyone wants to talk
Karen26 April 2020 at 5:35 pm #39406
I am new in the group so let me tell you that my first language is not English so I apologise for my writing.
My husband is leaving tonight since we are going throughout a separation. My son was very upset when he found out and he does not want to talk about that. My boy is 6 by the way. So just wondering if someone can give me some advice how can I help my son managing his feelings?.
Thank you!26 April 2020 at 10:53 pm #39414
It must be heartbreaking to see your little one upset; it will be particularly confusing for him as he will not know what is going on.
My best advice would be to invest as much time as you can with your son; usually I would suggest taking him out for the day and doing something he enjoys… however I realise that is not easy at the moment. Perhaps you could have an ‘activity day’ at home with him, where you can focus on something other than the separation and subtly address his feelings? One of my good friends is a child counsellor and he uses props (play dough, pebbles, etc) when discussing feelings with children. Perhaps something like this could help?
I was 6 when my parents separated and then divorced. My best advice would be to invest time in him and reassure him that both you and his father love him very much, that the separation is nothing to do with him and that he will still get to see both of you (presuming that is the case).
I imagine this has probably been a difficult evening for your family; I’m sure I speak for everyone on this site when I say our thoughts are with you.
Steve26 April 2020 at 11:56 pm #39416
I’ve unfortunately been down this path before and am now in an extremely tough situation given everything that is going on in the world right now.
Last week I was engaged to the woman of my dreams until the stress of everything got the better of me and I lost my cool (not physically before there are conclusions) since then she has been turned off me and we are going the route of breaking up as this last arguement has just left her feeling lots of doubt, I’m wanted in the house with the promise of another look into it in a couple of weeks cause something might change.
Its tearing me in half, I’m doing what I can to prove how much more id put in to see this doubt clear and keep her happy but I think I’m fighting a losing battle, I can get no indication either way.
This will leave me a single father of two, with different mothers, and feeling like the scourge of the earth who will never find love again (not that its priority for a good while) but it’s not a nice feeling at all.
I want to keep at it but all this uncertainty is really effecting my mental health, she’s told her friends it isn’t looking promising but tells me she doesnt know either way yet.
Am I bad for wanting to throw in the towel to save my mental state?27 April 2020 at 8:45 am #39420
Thank you very much for your msg that was very helpful.
Just I need to put together myself and be the strong and happy mum that my boy deserves. At the moment just feel like crying.
I will look into the play dough and pebbles activities to do with my son.
Thank you again, with all my family overseas, sharing my worries and feelings with this group who are experiencing the same helps to go throughout this painful experience.
Isa27 April 2020 at 9:03 am #39421
i am newly separated, mum to two boys and a foreigner with no family around, so i do know how daunting it can be. Feel free to msg me. Not sure if ill be able to give you any advice, as i am in a bit of a mental mess myself, but maybe it would be helpful to talk 😉27 April 2020 at 11:52 am #39431
I have just joined today and I feel like my life is falling apart. Last summer I was physically abused by my husband which ended up in him being arrested, as a result of him suffering from depression. I eventually dropped the court case because of impact it was having particularly on son who was 15 then (16 now). Eventually he sought help and we agreed to give our marriage another go. From Nov-Feb it was great, we did things together , we talked, we spent time together as a couple and if the kids were being rude or arguing with me, he would back me up.
Last week, amid the Covid-19 lockdown, he announced that he wanted a divorce and wanted to live on his own. We spoke to the children who agreed that a separation was for the best, as all we seem to do these days is either argue or ignore each other. My life has fallen apart and on top of that he is eager to get the finances sorted out in a rush, so that he can move on. I have no family around who can help and I just feel so alone. I’ve lost half a stone in weight, I can’t eat or sleep and I’, terrified that I won’t be able to stay in my home. He seems to have gone from 1 extreme to another and says that all he wants to do is make money. I clearly don’t feature into his plans anymore and I feel angry, hurt and upset.
Any advise, support or just words of encouragement would mean a lot to me.
Susan27 April 2020 at 8:26 pm #39443
Hi, I got pregnant through a one night stand after a night out in Newcastle. I am currently 7 months pregnant I just wondered is there any additional benefits I can claim as I wont be having any help from the guy. I feel so ashamed and embarassed