New house, new challenges

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  • #64772 Report

    Sunshine16
    Participant

    I have been a single parent for 4 years and have finally made the leap to move into a new house with my daughter.

    School has re-started but have found her behaviour very challenging…school only restarted 2 days ago. She’s only 5 but am finding angry outbursts and lashing out massive issues….amongst other things. Its early days and am hoping it’s a phase. I have told the school about the home issues and hope she is more settled at school. When i ask her what is making her feel this way she generally says she doesn’t know.

    She is a strong minded little girl but am finding the shouting, screaming and tantrums every morning hard going…this is seems to be because i’m asking her to get ready for school.

     

    Any tips anyone? Hoping it’s new house, new routine needs some self adjustment and some gentle parenting

     

    #64780 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello Sunshine,

    there was an article on the BBC website recently about some scientist, who investigated the magnitude of character forming between parents and children. The essence of that article seemed to be, parents are as much, if not more, shaped by their children in response to their behaviour, as vice versa. Due to various reasons, one of them being their genetic disposition, children show different character traits, which in turn initiate various emotional responses and behavioural attitudes towards them. No real l surprise there, but still an interesting read.

    Our youngest taught me patience. From nursery to preschool, up to his first five years in primary school, he always resented going there. He would find any way of obstruction, greet every ant on the way, would generally drive me nuts every morning. Our personal record was 200 times late in one school year. That is every school day. Over time, I figured out, it had something to do with rules, that made him uncomfortable. So he had a few months of play therapies, learning how rules work and how to play with them, that they aren’t a life or death experience usually, but it is mostly reasonable to follow them and how it works in your favour if you do and when it is favourable not to and so on. His punctuality is spot on now. So far in year seven, not a single late day registered. It might have been coincidence, he has just grown out of it maybe, or it was just the thing. Anyway, it worked.

    So he taught me patience, and to look beyond the nuisance into the eye of the suffering child. Any human being. He wouldn’t have bothered me, if he had a choice, I guess, so you might find your way to the root of the problem as well. Give it time and observation.

    #64801 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    She’s going to find it difficult. Her old securities have ended and she’s confused etc. Letting school know is a good move. You need to make sure that she knows you are going to be around and not disappear.

    What does she like doing? Can you do nice things together? She needs the routine and is getting it from school hopefully. If you’ve recently moved can you explore the new area together? (If it’s not been a house-move just up the road).

    Or you stamp her identity on her new house, new room together, then she owns it?

    She’s being a typical five. Is there family nearby? You could make use of them.

    If mornings are a flash-point, make sure you leave early. I always used to add an extra hour to getting ready. So if we were to leave at 11 i would plan to leave at 10. It never happened but then you have allowed an extra half-hour or so.

    You could get a sticker-chart going. Quickest that she can get dressed or make dressing fun. Songs etc.

    #64802 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Can you draw-up some house rules together?

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