New here: struggling single mum
29 September 2018 at 3:46 pm #16293
Hi all, I’ve just signed up feeling desperate. *quite a long read*
I met my children’a father when I was only 16. By 18 we were “in love”, married and had our first child when I was 19. I had a second and a third child in the marriage and had my mother and sisters nearby.
We divorced 3 years ago. A year before divorcing one night truth came out and basically he wanted to be elsewhere and was fighting to want to stay. A lot I blamed myself for. But in the end he lied and deceived me a lot a lot. I had never been on my own, straight from being with my parents to being with kids dad and moving in with him etc etc.
I didn’t get to finish my studies because I became pregnant and was a stay at home mum for many years. Just when my youngest started school, the divorced happene which meant again I couldn’t continue studies as I planned to with their dads help. I was evicted , my family moved abroad so I was truly alone for the first time. I stayed in temporary Accom for 2 years and suffered and still suffering now. I have tried to get a job, but couldn’t keep up with the hours changing to late and I’m the only one to collect and drop my children. My depression has gone up and down. I’ve been on and off anti depressants.
More recently we had a 50/50 set up which really helped me to work and get some income to provide for us. And just to have a break some nights. 4 months ago he decided to walk out again. So I was forced to quit my job to care full time for them, taking them to school etc.
this year I’ve moved into a permanent home which I’m grateful but had to buy things from scratch as I had nothing before which obviously cost a lot on credit. Just basics like beds, carpets cooker, fridge etc. Now I’ve had to quit and my depression has become worse.
i feel like all I am is a mum and struggling to keep up with everything. I have no one to help. I can’t get a job, because I have no childcare and can not get the help. My children are quite difficult. And I’m trying to keep things together but I have no money and im
just so down all alone all the time.
no family or anyone to help or support.
i feel like giving up29 September 2018 at 9:29 pm #16305
Im sorry that I cannot offer you any useful advice but I can say that I know what it is like not to have anyone and to be on anti-depressants. I’m sure there are people on here that will chat to you including myself ,because it does help to talk and to know that there are people you have been through things as you have.30 September 2018 at 12:18 pm #16322
Hello 3mum have you thought of get any support from https://www.home-start.org.uk/ Good luck?30 September 2018 at 9:20 pm #16336
Hi hun I feel your pain. I’m a single mum with 2 kids, just started a job and I’m struggling to keep it as my family don’t want to help because I’m making something of my life. I live in a lovely house at the min but feel like I need to move to get away from everyone who wants stab me in the back. I have no friends round here either which doesn’t help xx1 October 2018 at 2:57 pm #16361
Thank you for your post and welcome to the Gingerbread forum. We’re so sorry to hear that you’re not feeling great and things have got really hard. You’re not alone and there are services out there that can support you through this difficult time. It’s so important you look after yourself and get the help you deserve. We hear you and we think you’re brilliant.
Just to let you know, we’ve dropped you a quick email with some contacts. Have a look when you’ve got a moment.
I hope other parents can offer you some positive words and support – please continue chatting with others if you find it helps.
Poppy at Gingerbread10 October 2018 at 10:54 am #16726
I have been exactly where you are and feel your pain. It is so difficult being a single parent as it is and with mental health difficulties with no support can be unbearable. But please never give up. You are doing an amazing job and in time you will find your feet.
What I found helpful was first identifying what it is I wanted in terms of education, I then registered for a course and focused on completing it. I assure you, it was not easy, at times I felt it made things worse as it gave me more stress with deadlines but I stuck to it and once I achieved it, I felt it was worth it.
I also sought help, I was in and out of talking therapy throughout the process (still am now). So whenever, I could not cope I went back to therapy and thankfully, it works for me.
I have 3 kids myself, I work in the field that I chose, I still struggle coping with everything, but I have learnt to look for the positive in my situation and focus on that as well as acknowledging my emotions and seeking help when necessary. I have learnt to stop expecting so much of me and doing what I can. Taking each day as it comes. I accept I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day and I did not get much sleep last night but I am hoping today won’t be as difficult as yesterday.
I wish you well and hope things get easier for you. Know you are not alone and feel free to mesaage me if you need someone to lend an ear.