New here, just separated and wondering who am I going to speak to now?

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  • #16972 Report


    Hi, I’m 38 and last month I separated from my Husband of 13years.

    We have 4 kids (from 11yrs down to under a year) and although I had a couple of people I spoke to at the beginning they drifted away leaving just my ex. Now it’s just me.

    I’ve never liked crowded places, lots of people, never knew what to say with new people. I like to blend into the background.

    Only problem is that over the years I’ve made myself worse. Because there was always a pre-schooler in the house it was easier for my ex just to go out himself or take the older kids places. (Play group was never an option as it consists of 5 women just spending the time gossiping – not my thing.) I’ve basically made it that I only go out the house to go food shopping. And even then I do it with my head down and as quickly as possible!

    I am still on speaking terms with my ex, but mostly about the kids and finances. Can see his eyes glaze over when he’s asking how I am. I hate not having another adult to speak to, but the thought of speaking to anyone face to face terrifies me at the moment!

    I’m still feeling a bit raw and trying to find my own feet, and being from a small village I know everyone has been talking about us and will be full of personal questions if I speak to them.

    Hoping there is another introvert here that can help me with some ways they were able to be comfortable putting themselves out there?



    #16978 Report


    Hi macmee. I would say do a little at a time. I’ve always felt awkward around people I don’t know very well and even people I do know, and avoided certain situations. It also depends what you ultimately want but like anything the more you do it the easier or more manageable it becomes. Talking about things even messaging on here I think is important because we don’t always know how we feel but writing it down I’ve found can help. Feel free to pm.

    #17004 Report


    Mackey, i’m a bit like you, not keen on crowds etc and I hated nursery groups. Definitely not my thing. However, you’ll go mad with no-one to talk to.

    can you start small. When I was first separated. I’d choose my favourite coffee shop, take a newspaper and buy a coffee same time, same day each week. I got to know the staff, just to exchange hellos and get my balance. Then I did a yoga class – not much need to chat but you do meet people.  Try a little bit at a time.

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