New and Navigating
7 October 2021 at 2:08 pm #60801
Hello everyone, firstly, I’m sorry to see a lot of us in difficult situations 😔 secondly, I’m wondering if anybody has any advice.
Me and my ex have recently split. It was coming for a long time due to him doing things behind my back, and being emotionally abusive (he does not think he is). Anyway, we have a joint mortgage and 2 children under 5. We live in his home town, mine are 45 min drive away. He has a well paid fulltime flexible job (cash in hand) and I also work full time. He has moved out after a lot of arguing and now rents (he owns two other properties as well as the one we live in). I now pay the full mortgage and house bills, he does not give me any money. He moved out 2 months ago and since then has chose when he will have the children, so I’ve waited around for him to let me know days or nights so far. I realised this was not good enough for the children or me, so I asked him to sit down with me and work out an arrangement. He was reluctant to talk about it, and it took a few weeks to get him to sit down and discuss it, but he said he would have them every Friday night after work and drop them off Saturday at 1pm, and he’d have them overnight Monday after work and drop them at his parents the next morning before school. I found this to be a very small amount he was seeing them so I suggested alternate friday/Saturday and he drops them off at 5pm. That way they’re seeing him a bit more. This was only last Thursday, so we are only a week in.
Anyway, I am on a lot less money than him and struggling somewhat so I asked if he could provide some money (my pride took a beating even asking), he said if the children need anything, he will pay for it like clothes and hobbies. Then he left, and sent me a txt saying he wants them 50/50.
I am in two minds with this. Obviously I would like the children to see him as much as they can, and I would never stop this, and I’m equally as happy that he’s finally stepped up to being a father. But where was this the last 2 months? Have I just been some kind of babysitter? Whilst he goes off doing what he wants, working extra to pay off his gambling debts and porn debts whilst me and the children just wait round?
When we were together he didn’t show much interest in the children. I mean, he was there, but he wasn’t ‘there’. He’d often moan about me doing things like gym, going on a walk, he’d always want me to take them with me. He admitted he finds it hard looking after them. And that’s okay, as it is hard! But it’s another reason we’re not together. His horrible attitude towards me, calling me a shit mother for going out etc just because it meant he’d have to stay in with the children. I can’t get into it too much as it’s upsetting.
Another issue is he wants me to sign over a large portion of the house to him as his parents gave us a large deposit. Legally I don’t have to do no such thing as there’s no prenup or whatever to it, they gave us it. But morally I would rather that money went to the children and not him. He’s got enough money that he’s spunked up the wall on his addictions.
In all honesty I’m really sad and worried about it all. I’m feeling really unsettled, I don’t think I could cope with only seeing my children half the week. I don’t even yet know what his 50/50 plan is. I feel like I always have to agree on what he suggests.
Please tell me all this will be okay 😓