negotiating contact time for holidays

[buzz74]

I’m in the middle of negotiating contact time for my 2 year old son for holiday periods. We are both teachers so have around 6 weeks off in the summer. He has said that he wants our son for half of the holiday, but in one big block, so 3 weeks. My concern is, he is only 2, has not spend more than 3 days away from me and I feel this is an incredibly long time for him to be separated from me. Does anyone have any advise on how to broach this with my ex? Are there any facts and figures I could use? What is normal? My ex is not the understanding kind and approaches most issues very mathematically. He frequently says things have to be fair and 50/50 but has not once said ‘I think this will be best for our son’. He refuses to see a mediator. He’s also incredibly vindictive and recently reported me to to police for assault (which the police thankfully thought was ridiculous). Any advice much appreciated.

[buzz74]

He’s still living at home (leave the house until he ‘got his money’ to buy him out of the mortgage). So far, he has spent 3 nights away with him at his parents at Christmas but hasn’t looked after him on his own over night  for more than 1 night.

[buzz74]

Firstly, thank you so much for your detailed and objective reply. I really appreciate it. We have so far agreed during term times on alternate weekends plus Thursday nights every week. I feel that his desire to have him for a 3 week stretch over the summer is largely about hurting me but, as he is incredibly selfish, about hum wanting the freedom to go away on holiday by himself in the time he doesn’t have him. I will try to get him to consider perhaps every weekend (with flexibility if he wants to go on holiday himself) and if he is adamant that it’s 3 weeks or nothing, then follow your advise to apply for mediation. I am also still breastfeeding my son, and longer stretches away are painful (physically and emotionally) for both of us.

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