Needing a rant

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Icewitch 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #33911 Report

    Icewitch
    Participant

    hi. I’m new on here. 

    I just need a rant to be honest off social media. I’m stressing myself out over child maintenance. I’ve put a claim in and it’s just seems nothing is happening anytime soon. I’ve tried messaging my ex. He lies about everything or ignores me and it’s so god dam frustrating. My girls absolutely adore him. Well they did when he used to see them. He just stopped. Night after night I have to make excuses to them as to why they can’t see or speak to him. It’s heartbreaking. All my my friends are married so they listen to me but they don’t get it , not really

     

     

    #33967 Report

    Pumpkin62
    Participant

    Hi Icewitch,

    I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. I can relate to the kids dad not doing what he says he will do.
    I took the decision to stop making excuses, I don’t think it’s my job to justify my exes behaviour. I am not rude or disrespectful, I just state things as they are: he can’t / isn’t coming; he’s busy; blah blah blah. And when they ask why?? I generally say: I don’t know. Unless there is a reason, like, he’s ill, he’s stuck in France, blah blah blah.
    Over time it has meant my oldest (6 years) has started to recognise a pattern of behaviour with regards to her dad and she’s not so angry towards me about it. I’m desperately trying to support her (and her younger brother) through it.

    i want them to have a good relationship with their dad, but I will not make excuses for his unreliability.
    We just had it again today, he didn’t go to my kids nativity play. She asked why, and I could only say I don’t know and I’m sorry. It’s shit having to deal with the fallout.

    wishing you the best of luck to navigate through it all.

    #33971 Report

    Icewitch
    Participant

    My 8 year old knows now what’s going on as she makes comments. I don’t need to make us excuses. It’s when my 3 year old tells me she wants to give her daddy a cuddle. It’s breaks my heart.

    I had the same last week. She has her nursery carol service. Dad knew for a month. He promised her. Her little face looking for him in the crowd.  He didn’t show. I cried to all the nursery staff when I went to collect her as I knew she was going to ask why daddy didn’t come.

    #33978 Report

    Pumpkin62
    Participant

    It’s heartbreaking having to deal with this. I spent an hour trying to work out if he’d gone to the nativity (I’m going to the show tonight), texting friends who had gone asking if they’d seen him. He finally replied to my text to say he hadn’t gone. I cried and then became so angry I thought my chest would burst. I tried to call him and he just ignored my calls. I wanted to tell him how much he’d upset and hurt his daughter, to stop being so ridiculously self-centred and start realising what he needs to do to be a dad.

    It would have been pointless as he wouldnt have listened to anything I said and he would have had a reason for it all – nothing is ever his fault.
    I sometimes think it would be easier if he wasn’t around, but I really feel for you having to answer your kids questions on where their dads gone and why he’s not in touch.

    I’m 10 months along since we split up, my kids are 6 & nearly 3, and every time we seem to think we’ve found a bit of a rhythm, everything goes upside down again. I’m trying to set my expectations of the kids dad at zero, so anything else it a benefit. The problem is I have such an emotional response when he lets the kids down.
    Am happy to listen to your rants anytime 😊

    #33995 Report

    Icewitch
    Participant

    Our ex’s sound so similar. I truly believe he is a narcissist. He ticks all the boxes. Believes his own lies that’s it makes communicating impossible.

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