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  • #55496 Report

    Mum02
    Participant

    I am really struggling at the moment  . I am a widow and I have 2 children my son is 19 and my daughter is 15. My son is at uni but has come back for summer. A few years ago we ended up moving in with my mum and here we have stayed. I have become her carer and I tend to do most things for her . I also work as a TA but just about to change schools . I just feel that I have so much to think about and that I just feel trapped and I have lost myself.  If I speak to anyone they say you have to find time for you but that’s easier said then done.
    I just feel so broken and so alone I want to run away and hide.  The day and this week doesn’t help as  at the end of the week is the anniversary of my husband’s death it’s been 13 years but it still is hard.

    #55501 Report

    Hi Mum02

    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here.  It sounds as though there’s a lot going on for you at the moment.  It’s good that you’re here posting and I’m sure you’ll find that there are others with similar experiences to your own.

    There is a service called WAY that you may find helpful for support in coping with your grief.  Here’s a link:

    Widowed and Young – provide peer to peer support service for men and women under 50 who have lost a partner.  It is run by a network of volunteers and offers a range of services  https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/

    I hope that helps a little.

    Kind regards

    Michelle

    #55525 Report

    Mum02
    Participant

    Thank you. I used to be a member of WAY   Before and was surprised to see so many young people widowed.

    #55605 Report

    Gumibear123
    Blocked

    Hello Mum02,

    I was sorry to read of the situation you find yourself in.

    It sounds like you haven’t really got much time or space to think about your own problems.I’ve gone through patches where every time I turn around another unexpected calamity seems to fall on my head.It makes me so stressed and tense that my kids feel it and start misbehaving which in turn causes even more difficulty and fighting between them, then everything starts to unravel and I sound like a witch and start thinking I actually hate my kids.

    People say it’s important to make time for yourself bla bla, but honestly ,sometimes it just ain’t possible.There’s times I’ve felt like a machine- just keeping moving and doing non stop for other people.Eventually I was feeling like you described above and I literally found s1 willing to take my kids for 48 hrs,booked a train ticket and a hotel room with a sea view and escaped(all within 2hours). One of the Best ideas I’ve ever had.I thought Ide never want to go back home but it wasn’t like that actually🙂 From when I stepped foot out the house it was all pure Me-time and it was fantastic (&seriously didn’t break the bank) & I felt like I got my head back.Its a pain sometimes organizing it all-time believe me I KNOW,but it’s a complete tonic.Wish you would find a way to get a break- even just a short one,just once.

    #55748 Report

    Mum02
    Participant

    Thank you. I am glad that you had the chance to get away. For the moment I am just taking each day as it comes.

    #55750 Report

    Gumibear123
    Blocked

    I wasn’t bragging etc & I hope I didn’t make you feel worse.(It was my first 48 hours off in 3 years).I just wanted to say please don’t feel so alone,there’s other people who know what desperation feels like & s.times we think it’s impossible to get away and we end up trapping ourselves,bc often no one is there to rescue us from ourselves & it’s just too hard.But we have to look after ourselves if no one else is volunteering.I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way,you have enough hardship & I would not want to make it w orse.

    #55765 Report

    Sglmum2
    Participant

    Hi,

    I hope you have had even a short time for yourself?

     

    It sounds as if in the short term the first step may be to get some respite care organised. Is there anyone that can do this organisation for you as I know just organising anything extra can be just too much. Are there any care places that your mum can go to even if it is for an hour? Or it may be easier to have someone come to the house but I know this can be pricey and sometimes it takes a while to find the right person.

    Caring is full on. As is being in education, and being a mum. So if you can perhaps get some help with your mums care you could go for a quick walk to help relieve any stress and enjoy being outside maybe? Are there any other relatives that could help? Sometimes it’s hard to ask for help but don’t let yourself have a complete burnout.

     

    #55868 Report

    Leanne1
    Participant

    Hi Mum02,

    I was sad to read your message, I am sorry you lost your husband and although you will always miss and think about him the reason the pain is still so fresh is because your life has it moved on. It feels like you are trapped and the situation you find yourself in is trapping you further.

    I love my mum so I understand the need to care for her and make sure she is okay but I don’t believe any mother would want their child to place their life on hold for them.

    I would suggest perhaps moving out of your mums, this isn’t abandoning her but this is setting boundaries for yourself and allowing you to have the time you need. You can visit and take her out as well as be at the end of a phone as well as reach out to local support groups for them to step in and help. There are lots of volunteers and your doctors may be able to help too.

    I just feel you will not break this cycle until you actually break it.
    X

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