Need support

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Newly separated 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #32804 Report

    Newly separated
    Participant

    Hi all,

    I have been separated from my husband of 20 yrs for three months after years of domestic abuse and his alcoholism. Have four children (two now grown up) and am finding it overwhelming coping with working full time while ex husband refuses to cooperate with the financial separation and is continually furnishing himself with lovely new house and lots of social events. He lies constantly and my boys never know where he is and it’s causing upset as he continues to return to our home when we are not there to take things he wants. While I was massively relieved to finally separate I have found it much harder to move on with my life. Is this normal? Everyone tells me to put myself first but when you are pretty much sole Carer and working full time there is little time left for me. Any advice most appreciated. Due to years of abuse I have isolated myself and have no real friends other than work colleagues. Would love to be able to meet new friends.

    #32831 Report

    GemjaneG
    Participant

    Hi, I’m going through similar minus the alcoholism. 20yrs together, 3 kids, he just up and left. Comes to light yesterday that he’s been seeing a young girl in her 20’s (he’s nearly 50!! Lied about his age saying he was 37) during the time we were together. I’m struggling to come to terms with this.  He’s a sociopath so following good advice I’m finding online about that however, I feel as though I’m wasting my days sitting analysing this and cannot fathom what he is thinking, where the logic is and how can he just walk away from everything. I too work full time and struggle to organise childcare some days whilst he doesn’t have a care in the world, living it up with the younger girls. My god! Did I ever know this man? I’m massively wounded but I know I’ll recover, and like you, it is just a time thing. Focus on the short term, getting through each day and looking for the positives in it. Making new friends really does help, someone to sound off to but it is difficult with working full time. It may sound silly but today I created my own calendar to mark off each day. I look forward to the end of each 30 days to reflect and see how far I’ve come.  Happy to be your online buddy

    #32841 Report

    Newly separated
    Participant

    Oh my goodness that sounds so tough! I went through the younger woman affair with my ex 6 yrs ago and I felt like my whole world had imploded. He started cheating when our youngest was only weeks old and what upset me more than everything was how nasty he was despite having his cake and eating it. When the affair ended the alcoholism then took over. I cannot fathom how guys like this can justify their actions! I totally get where you are with analysing it all though, it drove me crazy. It sounds nuts but I literally didn’t see it coming despite every red flag in the book. It’s so sad and I hope you are ok.

    I loved your idea about the 30 days. Just prior to our separation I began a degree course which on the one hand does make me even more busy, on the other hand helps to keep me feeling capable and worthwhile.  I just loathe the dark days when I feel simply not good enough and abandoned, even the study can’t help me on those days. My confidence has taken a dive and I want it back! I am looking at singles holidays to see if I can get enough courage to go off with a bunch of new folks for a few days as i think it might help me get some sense of self back (that isn’t related to being a mum or work).

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