Need help and advice

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  red23 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #29198 Report

    Wesuk
    Participant

    <span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText’; font-size: 17pt;”>About 4-5 months after the birth of our 2nd child I noticed that my wife and I wasn’t spending much time together. I put this down to our busy life, having to look after a new born and a 3yr old is very time consuming and hard work. </span>

    <span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText’; font-size: 17pt;”>I received a text message whilst I was at work 1 day saying something like she feels we’ve grown apart and could we talk about it. We had a talk that night where she said that she feels like we’re just parents to the kids and we both need to try harder. I took this on board and helped out more around the house and tried to make her feel like I don’t take her for granted. It didn’t take me long to realise that she wasn’t behaving any different and stopped saying she loves me and wouldn’t kiss me unless I kissed her. </span>

    <span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText’; font-size: 17pt;”>My grandad got sick and over a couple of months sadly past away. My wife would disappear upstairs every night leaving me on my own whilst I was going through 1 of the most difficult times of my life. </span>

    <span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText’; font-size: 17pt;”>It’s almost been a year and not much has improved so I asked her what was going on and she told me a year ago she bumped into someone that she used to know and they have been chatting online and apparently he’s said he likes her or something. This has somehow made her realise that I’m not the only bloke in the world and hasn’t been sure about anything since. </span>

    <span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText’; font-size: 17pt;”>I’m sad and angry with her but I’m trying to keep a level head. She keeps saying her heads a mess and she doesn’t know what to think when I ask her if we’re finished. I’m in a state of limbo waiting for her to sort her head out. I’m worried about what will happen with the kids mainly. The thought of not seeing them everyday and another man holding them and telling them he loves them breaks my heart. </span>

    <span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText’; font-size: 17pt;”>I’m sorry this is so long but I need to write it down and get it off my chest. I don’t know if there’s any advice someone can offer or if I should be doing anything?</span>

    #29208 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    This has been happening for more than a year and your wife hasn’t left, which suggest to me she is very uncertain.

    I’d focus all your effort on being a kind and supportive husband.  You have two pre-schoolers which isn’t easy. Hang in there and stay calm

    #29219 Report

    Wesuk
    Participant

    Thanks for your reply and sorry for the junk in my post. I don’t think it liked me pasting it from my notes.

    Reading a lot on here and it’s comforting to know there are others it my situation.

    i hope she is able to sort her head out. I’ve suggested marriage counselling and I’ve told her I want to help her.

    as much as I don’t want her to leave or ask me to leave, I love her and I want her to be happy.

    #29230 Report

    red23
    Participant

    It was sad to read your story.

    I spent many years in an unhappy relationship for the sake of our children, and am glad I stuck it out as long as I did, because separated parenting is so much worse for the children and the practical impact on everyone’s lives.

    I think your relationship would be strengthened by any other sources of emotional support you have as an individual. If you resent your partner for not giving you enough support with the bereavement, that will harm your relationship. I dont know how many hours she is with the kids, but she is probably already giving 300% when it comes to emotional labour right now, so don’t take it as a bad sign about your relationship if she needs some space to herself after the kids are asleep.

    Your partner sounds quite immature and lacking in perspective regarding other men. I don’t think one person can control another’s capacity for fidelity and commitment. However if she is in a susceptible place right now, you could help her to socialise and get out more. This online old flame might remind her of life before nappies. Maybe if she had a regular girls night out IRL, he wouldn’t look so tempting. She needs to find alternative ways to get her mojo back and feel beautiful, not from you but from a wider social life.

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