Need advice – Single father with 10yr old daughter

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  • #40318 Report

    jak
    Participant

    Hi,

    First issue – I’m a single father with a 10yr old daughter whom I share equally with her mum. The issue is her mum is quite controlling and I feel my daughter is trying to copy this kind of nature with myself. My daughter basically rules the house and my life when she comes and I have her equal 3.5 days a week. The current situation hasn’t helped but this has been an increasing pattern for a number of years now. I’m an active guy and don’t like to be sat in the house all day, I need to be out and about, but if my daughter has decided she’s not going out, that’s it, I have no choice but to stay in all day! The way she talks to me and her attitude is disgusting sometimes, telling me what to do.

    Second issue – On the flip side of this, I’m in my late forties, live in a place where my family and friends are 3hrs away, don’t know anyone where I live and have been living in the same place for 10yrs. Lots of people tell me that there’s lots of single dads around but I have to say, It’s very rare that I know of or see any single dads with their child, especially when I’m in say a bowling alley, swimming, roller skating, holiday park, etc.  Everyone seems to be in couples or with their families and everyone I do know is in a family environment and has their own clique of friends. I have a son who’s in his late 20’s now and I have 2 young grandchildren. I took all 3 away to a holiday park last year but it was so difficult by myself and I really felt out of place, being solely on my own with 3 young kids. If I were to be brutally honest I felt paranoid that other people were commenting on me being there with 3 young children, especially when 1’s calling me dad and the other 2 granddad. There’s not much between my daughter and son’s step daughter.

    I feel at times my mental health is really deteriorating due to the way my daughter is behaving and being isolated where I am. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m desperate to meet a nice woman but I don’t know if it’s just a case of my luck being out over the last 8yrs, but I haven’t met anyone where that spark has happened and who’s been the right person. I’m on all of the dating sites and do get dates but not that often and then it’s either I’m not for them or they just don’t message after (not even to say, thanks but no thanks) which I find very rude and strange as to why a woman would happily chat away for a couple of weeks, meet a couple of times and then disappear without a message?

    I know if I was living 3hrs away in the same place as my family and friends I’d have a lot more interaction and because it’s a small town, I’m well known and I know that it would be quite easy to meet someone nice there and have a relationship. It’s always easier when you know friends and friends of friends etc, but I absolutely love my daughter and have to be a truly equal parent in her life. I know I’d be really unhappy if I went back to my home town and just saw my daughter every other weekend. Also, I really feel that’s an in conducive way to give your child the best upbringing. Children should have equal access to their parents and I don’t like the fact that some dads are allowed to get away with seeing their child every other weekend or not all (unless it’s due to abuse).

    Any advice on how to handle the situation I’m in would be much appreciated especially from any dads who are in the similar situation to myself. It would be just good to know that I’m not the only older dad who’s been trying to cope for the last 8yrs feeling mostly isolated, as I honestly feel like I’m the only one who’s late forties, single dad and living in a place with no friends or family?

    Thanks.

    #40319 Report

    Sylvie
    Participant

    Hi Jak

    I can imagine how you feel. And 8/years is quiet long. Alot of fakery exist on dating sites now days. People are not decicive and i think most of them just enjoy chatting and after the chats becoming usual, they drop you off and pick up a new chat mate.

    But keep trying, the right one may be around the corner

    We as parents have the responsibility to groom up our children to be better people in the future. Have you ever sat with your daughter  and try asking her why the behaviour?? May be you need to, so that both of you can adjust accordingly.

    #40320 Report

    Lorraine123
    Participant

    Hi. I’m a single mum and I sort of understand how you’re feeling. I think a lot of 10year olds can have a bit of a negative attitude, I know my children have gone through a phase of this and a lot of its probably hormonal but if she’s really disrespectful then maybe have a relaxed chat about her behaviour and explain how it’s making you feel.

    I’ve taken my children on holiday before and it is hard when everyone else seems to be happy families and it does make you feel quite lonely. There are a lot of single parents out there who feel the same, you’re not the only one. I’ve also tried online dating and I think there’s a lot of people who don’t want anything serious, I wouldn’t take it personally but also don’t give up you just need to meet the right person.

    #40322 Report

    jak
    Participant

    Hi,

    Thanks and I really appreciate your replies. Yes, I agree, some of the profiles have been on there for years and I wonder if they’re actually looking to meet someone or just chat?? Also, my daughter’s mum and I had a nice informal chat with her last week about this, as she’s sometimes rude to her mum and boyfriend. I wouldn’t say my daughter was completely onboard but she was half way there. I remember going on holiday with my mate, his son and my son, his son would have been about 10 and my mate literally had to leave him in the arcade and walk away as his son was adamant he wasn’t leaving, so now I think about it, he had the same problem.

    I’m hoping I get a few guys replying as well, who are in the similar position to me.

     

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