Nasty break up – child arrangements

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  • #56259 Report

    Privatelady
    Participant

    Going through a nasty break up with ex husband.

    He thinks I’m depriving him of access to young child.

    Im not in the slightest. She has a good relationship with him and I wish for this to be maintained.

    He decided to leave and is moving into a house share with one room for him and an ensuite. He has nowhere for her to sleep, to play and hasn’t thought anything through. She is 5.

    He expects when I am working he can sit in my home and wait for me to return (despite the fact he has left the home and me, as a way to see his daughter-there has been gaslighting towards me and I do not want him to have a key) I have trusted family who have always been part of her care who can do this for me so she is in bed at a reasonable hour until I can settle my work hours due to change in circumstances in the not so distance future.

    I have said he is more than welcome to take her out at weekends when he is not working to spend time with her until his living arrangements are more settled and she has somewhere to sleep, play and have privacy from people she does not know (other tenants in a shared property.

     

    Am I being unreasonable?

     

     

    #56272 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    is he not able to squeeze a single/sofa bed in his room? you could have a word with local council and support him to get council accomodation that has enough space.

    #56274 Report

    Gumibear123
    Participant

    If he wants it why shouldn’t he be making the arrangements?

    He chose to leave and now she shld spend her time making him cosy and comfortable with the child who’s life he’s ruined?

    What an odd perspective! Maybe he shld sort out the mess he’s created.

     

     

    #56281 Report

    Privatelady
    Participant

    The room he’s moving into is smaller than an average hotel room which fits a bed, side table, wardrobe and a small chair with an ensuite which is a squeezed in shower, toilet and sink. There’s no room in there for a single chair or a fold out bed, never mind a sofa bed. Add into that it’s shared accommodation with only access to shared kitchen facilities. He’s paying just as much as he could have done a cheep flat in our area.

    I don’t know why I should support someone who has been mentally abusing me? Apparently I shouldn’t even have told anyone he had left me and his daughter.

    Im currently not staying in the house I’m paying all the bills on and have taken full responsibility on legally for everything with my little girl whilst he is staying in my home to give him the chance to move out without anymore abuse of me so the situation is very complicated.

    He hasn’t put any thought into anything and again I’m being made out to be the bad person by trying to make sure my little girl has at least the facilities at home to sleep, to play, to do her schoolwork.

    I’ve not once said he cannot see her. Only that he won’t be looking after her at my house (to protect me) and she cannot stay overnight without a bed of her own.

     

    What if the other tenants cause problems?  I’m spouting off here but I can see it getting worse very quickly.

    #56282 Report

    Gumibear123
    Participant

    You’re sounding perfectly reasonable.Don’t be pushed into anything you don’t want to do,you sound like you’re just trying to keep it normal-ish and safe for her.But yes btw of course it’s all your fault😉 were you dreaming it could be his?😂

    #56398 Report

    Privatelady
    Participant

    He now knows when he will be seeing her. It’s not as often as he thinks and it’s not overnight or in my house but it’s appropriate or as much as it can be. Hopefully he will see its in her interests which I doubt but I’m not a monster.

     

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