12 July 2020 at 8:51 pm #42186
My ex-husband and father of my now 8 year old is narsassistic and I left our emotionally abusive marriage 7 years ago. I deal with it by having as little contact as I can get away with, I don’t do well with confrontation or standing up to him. Our son has seen him every other weekend and half of holidays since we split and up untill recently hasn’t been noticeably affected by his father’s attitude and behaviours.
To keep a very long story short he has recently started talking to me about things his dad does or says which are concerning me. Talking to his dad about my concerns while it is possible I don’t believe will get us anywhere, it will be denied or twisted and I’m worried of making things come back onto my boy.
Has anyone any advice on my best way forward with regards to is finding someone professional for him to talk too now at 8 to help me help him be able to cope with his dad’s behaviour long term. He is already very anxious and has seperation anxiety with me as a side affect of lockdown and I don’t think it will be long before he does not want to go to his dad’s.
I am currently still encouraging him to see them and stay with them his weekends but he spends most of it very unhappy and Im concerned stopping the visits with start a legal battle I can’t afford or have the strength for.
Thank you all.12 July 2020 at 10:12 pm #42188
My heart sank when I read this, as fear I will be where you are in the future and complete relate to what you are saying. I have thought about what the future would hold in this instance.
It is so difficult as you have to constantly pitter patter to there every need and they don’t put the child first and don’t Co parent and you have to try and make everything sound like it is there idea.
If it was me I think I would start be asking the school, how he my son was coping and see if they might be able to advice you and at least they will also be on board, his dad(if like mine) needs to hear it from a professional and if he is anything like my ex they need to hear it from another man.
Have you got a support network ie grandparents that might be able to have a suttle input?
You could get a half an hour free advice from a solicitor at least then you would know where you stand there .
I completely understand why you don’t feel upto going down that route tho as I know your worried about the implactions and I would feel the same , maybe medaition could also be an option? Again I think you can get free impartial advice.
I really hope someone can direct you only wish I could help as it is truly horrid and I hate how it makes us feel.
I wonder if there is also support group for people getting over being in an narrastic relationship as I feel that could help too.
Wishing you rhe best of luck and hope you get the answers, will be really interested to hear also.13 July 2020 at 4:47 am #42196
It would nt hurt for you to ring the nspcc to as they might be able to direct you.13 July 2020 at 8:28 am #42197
Sunshine after a rainy day, Thank you!
School is my first thought, if it hadn’t of been for lock down I’d of spoken to them already, he used to see the FLO at his infants for a while, his being monitored hasn’t been passed on this year (he will go into year 4 September) but I think I’ll get the new FLO involved. I want to give him as much head start as I can.
I’ve spoken to solicitors before and been told it’s a grey area, I’ve also no proof of what he did to me which would of helped but I didn’t talk to anyone until I had left and realised the affects which I still live with now 7 years on.
I hadn’t thought of NSPCC, I will try them.
Thank you very much, I wish you all the best also xxx13 July 2020 at 11:06 am #42201
Bless you! Feel free to PM if you ever feel the need, would love to know how your getting on and hopefully a positive outcome.
It’s never too late to keep a diary and you can refer back to this at anytime, I understand the solicitor situation to been there and come away feeling deflated, I have spoken to a health visitor in the passed asking to do a home visit to my ex which they say they can’t do anymore, which I just feel isn’t exeptable if your child is staying over night it should work both ways, I have been lucky in that lockdown my son has been with me for the majority and he has conveniently made his room into a gym ha! So I’ve put my foot down and said he can’t stay with you then until his room is in place, which makes me feel he has never had his own room.Which as you can Imagine cased a stink but cut along story short he is only having him for the day now which I just hope continues (fingers toes everything crossed)
Try not to let him grind you down, you are doing an amazing job, all the best xx13 July 2020 at 9:21 pm #42218
I am going through this now, I have involved MASH who are talking to my children.13 July 2020 at 9:41 pm #42220
Hope you are OK tired1 and have got some support behind you, help you through this tough time.
Thinking of you!14 July 2020 at 3:54 pm #42243
Hi tired, thank you, I’ll look in to Mash as well. Feel free to message if you want anyone to talk too xx