Narcissistic partner. Help!

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  • #62197 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    I have a three month old baby with my ‘partner’ who I’ve (finally) accepted is a narcissist. It’s a big pill to swallow. I have known my babies father for many years but did not really ‘know’ him if that makes sense – until around about the time I fell pregnant! It’s been a hell of a ride. For anybody reading this I would be interested to hear if you have ever had to deal with a narc and/or if you have also had a baby with one. Any advice and/or tips or just hearing your own story would be very helpful as I have a narc in my life forever now. I haven’t broached the child support subject yet . . . he’s yet to pay anything. He works away a lot which helps me to avoid his erratic behaviour atleast. Ty.

     

    #62206 Report

    MumOfTwoAlone
    Participant

    Hi, I have a nearly 3 month old and my babies father is an emotional abusing narc. He got worse through my pregnancy and worse since I gave birth. I recently left him as his behaviour one day had me in fear that he would hit me and another time where I feared for the babies safety. I have kept myself and baby away from him for 5 weeks now. I feel its better to keep my baby safe an have no contact with him but then I feel like I have to let him be a father but what if he physically or emotionally harms her.

    None of the above is advice, just a part of my story. Alot of narcissistic people tend to emotionally abuse people too so if you’re unclear of what is considered as emotional abuse then please look it up. I was unaware, I didnt think I was in an abusive relationship until I started asking Google why he does certain things then from reading online I eventually opened up to family and let them know what goes on and how I feel. I wish I realised sooner as I am now also stuck with him in my life forever. As much as we have not seen him he is trying to get back together with me so won’t leave us alone.

    #62218 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Thank you for sharing. You are very strong! Often my narc will straight up ignore me at times – a form of emotional abuse. Aswell as other abusive traits he has. When he is present with baby and I he is an amazing dad, then he works away and goes all weird on me? I just worry for the future how he will emotionally treat our son.

    #62230 Report

    AnotherStatistic
    Participant

    My wife has a very unstable personality, which involves her becoming a different person on a regular basis – creating a new type of identity and new relationships etc, while always putting herself before anyone else, including the kids. Is that narcissism?

    I’ve endured emotional abuse for several years but now we are splitting up. It’s very hard but I think it will be the right thing long-term. Hope it all works out for you.

    #62237 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Thank you. Yes sounds familiar! And like narcissism. . . I’ve read NPD could be hereditary too?

    #62239 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    one trait that stands out for them is that they have no empathy for other people. if your still together with one and want to make it work, perhaps they can seek therapy/counselling.

    #62252 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    He openly admits he doesn’t have empathy

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 2 days ago by GingerbreadHelen. Reason: Formatting code removed
    #62253 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    *for others

    #62306 Report

    Sonia76
    Participant

    Hi there, I am really sorry that you’ve endured this – Narc abuse is horrific. I am currently in a womens refuge with my youngest 2 children as my ex husband narc stalked me after I left.  Please do get a non molestation order asap , contact womens aid and tell your GP about the abuse. It is crucial if he decides to get access to your child. Not all are as extreme (I have worked with many victims of abuse but there are some who will seek to destroy you once you leave .

    If you suspect your partner has NPD please do not go for relationship counselling , they will ie and the councellor often falls for it . you will open yourself up trying to save the marriage and the narc will use your vulnerability agaisnt you. you will feel you have exaggerated things as counsellors are not trained for this kind of work.

    Great books are ‘Psychopath free ‘ Jackson mcanzie,

    Angry Men – Lundy Bancroft

    How to annailate a narcissist in family court

     

    Becoming the narcissists worst nightmare,

     

    Hope it helps someone xx

    #62313 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Thank you Sonia76 for the advice, the book recommendations are really helpful. Also sorry to hear of your situation. Protecting our children is so important xx

    #62318 Report

    Christos
    Participant

    The only effective way to deal with a narcissistic person is to have no contact. Or if you have children then as little as possible.  They do not have the ability to co parent and will feed off any attention given be it positive or negative.

    #62336 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Thank you Christos, we have a child so will bear that in mind.

    #62378 Report

    Akay
    Participant

    It breaks my heart hearing you all go through this but I also take some comfort knowing I’m not alone. I was with my ex 10 year and knew he had selfish traits, always thinking of his own needs etc, but tbh they weren’t troublesome as we had our own way of working things. Tbh I wasn’t easiest to live with too, we were very strong wild. We split when our son was 6 months old, he worked away and had an affair as felt he was being left when he came home as no longer priority.. fast forward 4 years, he’s on 4th gf, I’m still single, although he makes my life hell when I choose to do anything for myself. I’ve bought own house, new car, good job my son has everything no thanks to him. He takes our son when he feels like it, but like most say is amazing with them, my son loves him. I’ve tried being civil, growing up with separated parents I know know how important it is we get along but he can’t see that. Constantly intruding on my personal life, telling lies to turn people against me, failing to pay, lieing about work the list goes on. I’m not saying it gets any easier but I learned ways to deal with him, he hates when I don’t argue back, I did a few times said things I regret and he uses against me so not worth it. I document everything, to prove I’m right. His family help a little with child care while I work so I drop hints from time to time to trip up his lies, things his family didn’t know or he told them different. They know what he’s like too but won’t admit it. In all honestly he’s tried to come back, said he’d do this and that for our son if I took him back and played happy families. No chance, that’s ever happening. I simple keep myself right now, msg instead of calls so have record of everything. I notify him regularly of things so he can’t blame me for not knowing etc. He will never change but you’ll learn how he works and a way to deal with him xx

    #62381 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Very strong of you to stick to your guns and not let him back in. Thank you for your story xx

    #62508 Report

    bubbles of love
    Participant

    Sorry and sad to hear some of these experiences.

    I am wondering if this is what I am experiencing.

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)

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