Narcissistic Ex

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  • #58148 Report

    Gemmagem09
    Participant

    My ex husband is making everything difficult when it comes to our son, its his way or no way but he makes out I’m the unreasonable one and turns everything on me. It’s making my life hell,.

    He works Monday to Friday, but he’s also in a band and fishes so is always busy, the reason we split is because he never spent time with us.

    Hes got a new girlfriend now and she has her daughter every other weekend so all of a sudden that’s what he wants. But he can’t commit to this due to his social life.

    Hes told me now that he wants him every other weekend but I will have to do handovers with his parents or new girlfriend if he’s not there.

    His parents were not in our lives for months and they made our lives hell the whole 8 years so the thought of liaising with them sends my mental health into overdrive.

    Am I unreasonable to not do this? I mean contact is for him and he just doesn’t seem to care.

    Hes also refused mediation so am waiting for court papers too, I didn’t want to kick off and say I’m not dealing with his parents if the courts are going to tell me I have too.

    #58149 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hiya,

    The clue to this whole scenario seems to be when you said that he wants this…but cant commit to it. Well, he’s just going to have to. It’s time for him to commit.  If he either can’t or won’t then that’s for him to sort out. It would be easy for me to tell you what to do from here but would also be unfair so I won’t. Any advice would be my own personal point of view but I’d tell him that you will only pass your child over to him personally. No one else. Thats just me though. Hope you don’t mind me butting in. I realise its easy for me to say 😟

    #58154 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    with courts, giving out every other weekend is a very standard arrangement. if his family or girlfriend are not hostile, then I don’t think handovers should be an issue. I have a troublesome ex. it’s always her family members that do handovers, and has been ok so far. I have no idea if she is home at the time or not. am not bothered as long as am seeing kids.

    #58293 Report

    BaffledbySystem
    Participant

    Hey, so sorry you’re going through this. It mirrors my situation! I have just been through the court order process (instigated by him because although I never stopped contact he didn’t like my boundaries). He’s also a narc, doesn’t pay maintenance either! He’s with someone new (his ex) as he got her pregnant and now they’re playing happy families and all of a sudden he wants to see more of our child.

    Anyway, I feel compelled to share my court experience with you. I ended up spending £14k in legal fees and the outcome was basically the agreement we had in the first place. I was strongly advised by my barrister to accept each other weekend and to accept whoever he ‘trusts’ to do handover. You can’t control it, no matter how much you know and how uncomfortable it makes you. He went onto say magistrates will often take a ‘blanket’ approach which is each other weekend and half of all holidays. You can include recitals which are merely requests added to the order but they do not form part of it.
    My advice is to try to let it go, if you know your child is ultimately safe in his care, although you may not like the person doing handover etc, you are going to send yourself crazy trying to fight it. I say that with huge compassion as I’m loving it and trying to adjust myself. You know the more you fight it the more he will push these other people in your face. If I can save one person the hell and torment of going through the court process I will!

    best of luck and I’m happy to answer any other questions you have, sending lots of love and strength 🙂 x

    #58931 Report

    lmk7777
    Participant

    the way he is with you is exactly how my ex was like, so controlling, turning everything around, only doing it if it suits him ….hes on to his next relationship just had another child he has 3 in total, im one of them women , he hasnt payed a penny he told me if i wanted money i had to speak to him first then he would confirm if it was ok to buy i would then have to keep receipt then he would pay half . i haven’t herd from him since last October now my son has only just started asking about his dad im trying to suss out what to do ? its so nice not feeling alone and being able to talk to others to get help on here

    i hope it all works out well for you stay strong x

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