Narcissist Father dictating and controlling

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Lou1979 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #26108 Report

    Unoriginalname
    Participant

    Unusual setup, dad is main carer to our son aged 9 (not court order) and has refused to ‘allow’ me more time. Long story, he’s a narcissist and I was forced into allowing him to take our son when he moved out. He was emotionally abusive and. I was worm down. I thought it would be a temporary arrangement as it was the only way he would agree to leave the home. I have asked so many times to discuss changes but he won’t entertain it. Mediation hasn’t worked and I still only have fortnightly contact on his terms. This has been the case for over a year.

    I have recently got the courage to stand up for myself and applied to court for child arrangements order as I am tired of being dictated to about when I can see our son.

    I have thought many times about not returning our son to him after my contact but general advice is that this would not see me in favour when it went to court.

    I have booked a family holiday (I have 2 older children sole custody, not his) but he has now come up with saying he has made plans for a day out right in the middle of the holiday and says I have to return our son for this. He made the plans without consulting me, during a time that in theory is shared and contact had not been discussed. (school holidays we split 50/50)

    He has now dictated to me the time I can have our son over the summer, would not give me dates of planned holidays etc to work around. Its all on his terms, despite me suggesting a weekly swap.

    My question is should I take our son on the holiday and not return him for the day out? I don’t want it to reflect badly on me in court but I am desperate to have some say and take my children away together. I work ans this is the only week where I can get time off to take the children away.

    I am seeking 50/50 arrangement in court. Possibly more if I am advised I have a good case. I don’t have a solicitor due to finances.

    #26114 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi U

    It sounds terrible.

    I would not do anything hasty before you go to court.

    Our family court system normally will side with the kids mothers.

    I think your best bet for advice at the mo will be to contact Gingerbread direct.

    Take care

    PeterD

    #26131 Report

    Unoriginalname
    Participant

    Thanks for your response. I think it helps to vent sometimes. I feel in a very helpless situation. I miss my son so much and am upset at how my ex controls contact. He honesy feels he is within his rights to dictate contact. He’s applied for school place and change GP etc without consulting me… Parental alienation at its best..hoping the court can see this as its slowly killing me 😔

    Going to get some legal advice next week. Tried calling gingerbread today but lines very busy.

    #26236 Report

    Lou1979
    Participant

    Hi

    sorry to hear your in a  horrible situation. hopefully it will get better.

    I wouldn’t do anything that could hurt you in court but also keep a record of all the conversations etc. you have with your ex as you might be able to use that to help you in court. For now, you need to keep the peace with him (even though you don’t want to, been there)

    Good luck and hope it all goes well for you. Lou x

     

     

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