My wife left 5 weeks ago and i am struggling with loneliness, will this ever end
3 June 2018 at 10:31 pm #11812
Well i never thought i would end up talking to a white screen about my personal life but here goes…..
I am 42 and my wife is 52 (Looks 22 in my eyes), i have suffered from PTSD for many years but have always led a successful life on paper, if Nice house/car/money in the bank is deemed as “Success” which i dont.
My wife told me on the 26th that she was leaving and had found somewhere else to live and her reasoning was that we just had “Un-Workable love”…..She has moved 6 miles away and we speak quite a lot (Most of it instigated by me) and we are supposed to be going out for dinner next week.
When she left i went into a state of panic attacks like i had never know… and hopefully they have subsided for a while. My issue is that i was always told that “Tell your wife you love her” i did, “Make sure you can cook” i can “Buy flowers” i did, “dance with your wife” i did and i look at her even now as i did since the day we met.
I love my wife (Separated wife) and im not sure how to get going on forward….I feel like im standing in a field with nothing around me an i have no where to go, or more to the point i have no direction. She says its “Me or No one” but i fear the no one tbh…I have showered her with money since she left so that she has nothing to worry about (she has worried about me for such a long time that i owe her that at least).
I moved to this house as she always wanted to live here and now she has gone in kind of stuck here…I cant stop thinking about her EVER..Like an addiction to a drug. My work is suffering and im as lonely as i have ever been..Im not looking at coming out of this unscathed at all, more to just understand what more i could have done. If i where a score out of 1-10, 1 being a bad husband and 10 being the impossible best husband i would give myself a fair 7….im confused, sad, lonely and anxious and i because i put my wife first i have no friends at all…How sad is that.
well thats as open as i can be right now, and im sure that what i have written makes little sense and im not even sure what im asking for other than please can someone help me.3 June 2018 at 10:36 pm #11813
Yes, but it does take time, especially if you didn’t know it was coming. With me it was about seven months completely on my knees, and that’s a figure I’ve heard from several folk on here. It does get better with time, but that doesn’t mean you will necessarily ever be “glad” it happened, only that you survived it with something like a life.3 June 2018 at 10:49 pm #11815
Thanks Empty for the reply….I am back into work tomorrow (dreading it).
Im not at any stage in the process at this time..Im a bit of a ghost atm, and unsure how to feel. If i lived 100 miles away i think it would be easier, but i see her all the time..Mentally, Physically and emotionally everywhere i look and in every thought and dream.
I have survived many things in my 42 years on this rock and some would say harder things that separation but this is something new and im not feeling like i can see any light as yet.
I didnt drink much before she left but am now T Total..I have been dieting and hitting the gym since the day she left and have done it all for her….I need to find how to do something for me, Something that i am not used to 🙁3 June 2018 at 11:06 pm #11816
Yeah, you probably need to temporarily hide any photos or items that especially remind you of her for several months at least. Try something completely new. Anything like helping others or volunteering I’ve found particularly helpful. Helping others seems to make me feel less absorbed and after all I spent years looking after the children, often on my own. I’ve forgotten how to do things just for me. This week I cooked things in the kitchen I never cooked before (I’m a good cook, but there are things I cooked, and things she cooked, so I made things she used to make just to prove I don’t need her, I just liked having her around until she didn’t fancy it any more), started an online course with a view to taking a new degree for fun rather than a career move, bought some new clothes (first time in a decade!), and went to the cinema (first time on my own for… a very long time).
Btw, when I said months before, I meant weeks. I didn’t eat or sleep for 7 weeks. It has been 7 months since it happened. I can’t say I’m in any way happy, but I do have stuff in my life keeping me busy. Before, I sat on my sofa all day, watching the dawn come and slowly turn into dusk. So making a lasagne is an improvement! Baby steps.3 June 2018 at 11:16 pm #11817
tbh Empty i sort of had an unconscious incline that she was thinking about leaving…I spent so many years trying to be perfect..trying to make her happy (She is a wonderful woman) that i have forgotten who the hell i am.
I have lost 3 stone in 15 weeks and had to my laughs ..Botox and eye fillers because i thought that she might look at me differently…the same as when we first me possibly.
Every day i think of how i can help her and its making me quite sad tbh…She left me and i think she had it planned for a while tbh…I just didn’t see it.
Im not a “Be on my own” kind of person but i have little choice in that now…I would love to meet new friends..ANY FRIENDS lol but its been so long since i have been out on my own. and i wouldnt know where to start3 June 2018 at 11:25 pm #11818
Well, we’re all friends here. PM me any time.3 June 2018 at 11:39 pm #11819
Thanks Empty, Im Simon by the way (not sure if i can say that tbh)
Tomorrow is a new day…I dont mind standing a little still but i want to start to move a little forward….So lets see 🙂16 June 2018 at 7:55 pm #12216
Hi. Just want to tell you that you are not alone. My husband told me a week ago he doesn’t love me anymore. After nearly 31 years together. It’s heartbreaking and I’m devastated. Sleeping and eating are a problem. Apparently there is no one else but who knows. I saw him today and he kissed me on the cheek. Wtf!!! One week on and we have gone from kissing on the lips to a peck on the cheek? It’s so hurtful that he can just let go so easily. I feel that my future has been wiped out. All the talk of moving to the coast in a few years times is gone. Our kids are older teenagers and therefore we were just starting to get time to do things together on our own. Now my future feels like it’s been blown apart.
I guess the only comfort we can take is to know that we are not alone in this and from what people say on here it does get less painful. I can’t bear the thought of being on my own forever and still think about him every minute. Xx sending you hugs.16 June 2018 at 10:22 pm #12224
Feeling the same as you guys was with my man for 27 years and 3 years ago he thought he would check out of family life . Feel like my life as been turned upside down and inside out . I just can’t seem to move forward . I just feel numb inside . I go about my daily life … work look after kids … but I don’t have any joy anymore finding things a little rough .. sorry Feeling sorry for myself tonight ☹️ Baby steps people keep telling me . Things will get better . I am still here still waiting what for I don’t know ?16 June 2018 at 10:29 pm #12226
Hey Jen, keep posting and PM people and keep chatting. Are your children old enough for you to pop out to groups and things?17 June 2018 at 8:01 am #12233
Hi All, Well I can tell you that I am not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination…..but I feel better today than yesterday and that will do for me…I havnt slept downstairs since my wife and I parted but I think its time now…sleeping in the sofa is killing my back.Eating and drinking water is a must, If I knew that this kind of mindset could loose weight this fast I would sell loneliness’ and heartbreak in a bottle. Better…thats all I wish for us all….a better day today….PM if anyone needs to chat17 June 2018 at 11:06 am #12251
Just wanted to say hi & you will get through this. Time to start a loving relationship with yourself Simon😉 Best wishes.
Helen.17 June 2018 at 12:21 pm #12252
You’re grieving Hun, when you lose someone in any way you have to go through grief to get through to the other side. It’s temporary…. just remember that your percentage of getting through tough days so far is 100%…. take it a day at a time.
If it really is over with the 2 of you then it might be more helpful for you to keep contact to a minimum, don’t keep hurting yourself.17 June 2018 at 12:36 pm #12253
Hi empty , I am a bit of a loner really so group things are not for me . Do have great family but just don’t have the get up and go for any invites and if I do go and put on my outside face I am still sad inside even when I am surrounded by lovely people . It’s just a me thing. Anyway enough of my doom and gloom 🤣 have a lovely Sunday everyone .17 June 2018 at 7:31 pm #12260
Hi Simon, bless you. These are such sad and tragic stories and it is heartbreaking when it happens with no notice… nothing, just over. I also didn’t get the chance to try and change or have councilling which hurt so much. You’re friends will always help but I found that after a few months, they stop ringing and you’re on your own.
I’ve had panic attacks since I was 19 (25yrs ago) and nothing worked or helped apart from 2 things. If you can get out of England for 6-12 weeks to somewhere nice like the alps or Thailand then you will force yourself to let go and be self-sufficient. The second thing is a mild dose of antidepressants to suit you. It’s a nightmare to find the right one but when you do, they take the edge off the intensity of the attack and slow you just enough to be in control again. Don’t touch anything that’s morphine based but trust me, I’ve been on all of them and nothing seemed to help but now I can function properly again. What’s that worth?
I guarentee in a year or 2, you won’t feel like this about her and you’ll go whole days without thinking about her. Remember that and we all deserve someone better or more suited to us.
peace brother x