my tragedy

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  • #18550 Report


    I am 51 and  become separated my ex wife(36)  is year ago and she has started dating again during our reconciliation when we were trying to save the marriage but since the new chap came on the scene i had no chance, my in-laws have stopped all contact and she has now blocked all social media- so what happened is after 8 years of happy loving  relationship and 4 years marriage which within we conceived and gave birth to a healthy girl the marriage went sour i started drinking too much due to my frustration we went through all the sleepless nights and breast feeds all of it and had only been on two dates in that whole time no one came to help us but now they are all helping her so she can date.

    i was un able to get a conversation with her  and became emotionally abusive and controlling ,I noticed my ex was getting further away and all i wanted was to be in a family and the arguments got worse. so last year my ex asked me to move out .i did that  peacefully- then we got back together briefly only to find out there has been another man. when i tried  to ask about this man which she said was not serious she has said she will bring charges of unreasonable behavoir and put through divorce faster and messier, I still love her and look after our child at another place so she can have intimate time in our marital bed with him.I have been in two counciling programmes last year and am in an intensive twice weekly therapy now for the next two years and have also stopped drinking since last year. what i find difficult is being alone and cut of from my ex , home ,family life, all of those things it been hard and i have been suicidal. i am not a monster by any means and she is trying to get me to shout or hit her to validate when she started her emotional affair before the intimate one.i know i have made mistakes and am no way perfect, she will not got to couple therapy . we cant even speak to each other without any comment i make turning toxic i have not been abusive since we separated ,what happens now is i wanted to know when my daughter is being looked after by others because she feels uneasy when she goes out dating and also i said after all we have been through at least the truth now would build  trust  between us but i seen to be last on her list of baby sitters and dont want this pattern to continue when the divorce finally come through. I have apologised and have read every self help book there is and my therapist has helped also i am not trying  to woo her now as this could be cited as harassment  now only pain and fear is ahead the worst time of my life i so sorry to tell you this

    #18565 Report

    Hi Mark15

    Thankyou for sharing this with the forum.  It appears you are going through a difficult time and are having to reflect a lot on your situation. You say you are currently receiving twice weekly therapy and I hope that progresses well for you.  Just so you are aware, I will be contacting you by private message to offer some other forms of support that may be of use to you.

    Kind regards


    #18567 Report


    Thank you for your kind support and i see what you mean regading how hard it is. The answer to your question is  i have overnights , is yes as i have a room near by to them  so i can provide child care

    i work part time in my job thurs fri sat  and i take my chlid sunday for about 6 hours while she goes to therapy and sees the man .  child she goes back then the monday i take her to nursary where i work mondays in a coop pick her up clean down the nursary the go to my enlder daughters house where my youngest bonds and sleeps over , i attend therapy then  come back and sleep with her. The next two day i look after her all days  and drop back then the thurs morning before i go back to work.  And starts all over again.

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