My sons ex threatens to go for joint custody if I ask him for more money

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  • #41341 Report


    I’ve been dealing with such a selfish ex for 5 years now and I’ve hit a point where I just don’t know what to do!
    He pays me very little a month ( in his eyes it’s enough ) but for me as a single mom who has a home to maintain as well as our child, it’s just not enough!
    When I ask him to increase the monthly payments, he threatens to take me to court for joint custody and stop paying me.
    He is actually in the military and is only around here and there whenever he can – sometimes not for months! But he still believes he can take joint custody if I continue to ask him for more money and also threatens to come into my house and take back everything he ever contributed towards! ( we were never married, just a couple for 7 years )

    I’m just too scared to ask again

    #41348 Report


    He’s going to keep threatening the joint custody thing and controlling the maintenance.  I was in the same situation for 5 years when i decided enough was enough and contacted child maintenance and took my ex to court to put an official agreement in place.  Due to his job and the fact your ex is not around all the time i would think the chances of him currently getting joint custody would be pretty slim.   If he’s not willing to negotiate the only thing you can do is carry on as you are or call his bluff and tell him to take you to court, you’ll have to attend mediation first.  it is scary but in my case it was worth doing.

    #41733 Report


    I’d call his bluff. I had the same with my ex partner.

    CM was always done through a deductions of earnings order until he got a new job where he was self employed. As we were civil at the time (not when the deductions of earning was set up, but that was 4 years prior) we discussed a direct payment when CM has calculated how much he should pay me. 4 months later and I was still waiting, so asked CM to step in and take over as I didn’t want a direct payment from him anymore as he was unreliable, the exact reason I had a deductions of earnings in place at his previous job. Role on 10 months of him ignoring me pleas to sort out CM, and him ignoring all CM letters and phone calls, he got a new job where he was on a payroll, and CMS went straight for deductions of earnings with extra for arrears (he owed over £2,500 by this point.) He decides then to contact me to try and negotiate the amount, and if I didn’t agree he was going for apply for joint custody. Called his bluff and 2 years later he’s still not made the application and we get CM in a monthly basis through CMS.

    Currently going through solicitors as that was the start of various incidents of domestic abuse (verbal and mental) and I’m in the process of applying for a consent order. He hasn’t seen his son in 12 weeks and still hasn’t even applied to the court for access, he’s just sat around letting me doing it, but hurling abuse at me for stopping him seeing his son. Sometimes you just can’t win with exes, and it’s hard when their are children involved to witness it, but call their bluff and show them what a strong woman and mother you are, and that you’re not going to put up with it.

    I hope you get it sorted.

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