My son doesn’t want to see his dad

[Anastazia27Participant]

Hello – I am so happy I have found this forum. I finally separated from my emotionally abusive ex three years ago – we have three children – 10 and 8 year old twins. He has always insisted on his access time working around his schedule and their is no court order or divorce in place. I cannot afford a divorce or court proceedings and mediation failed due to the abusive history. The children go to his every weekend – which has been as  settled as it can be but his decision to move in with his new girlfriend 80 miles away has caused some disruption to the children and reared some familiar behaviours in my ex which is being directed towards the children.

My two older children suffered at his emotional and physically abusive hands and it’s been a struggle for them with anxiety and socialisation.

My 10 year old son is now begging to stay home this weekend because his dad is behaving in a similarly manipulative way, I’ve just spent 4 hours reassuring him and bringing him down from some real worries and fears he has regarding his dad – I recognise these feelings as I used to have the same – I don’t bad mouth his dad though and it’s difficult to help my son see how much I understand what he is getting at.   his sisters are also tired from the travelling.

I can’t  discuss this with their dad – I’m too scared of the repercussions on me and the children – My son begs me not to tell him what he’s said – I can’t figure out what I am allowed to do – or if it’s ok to suggest the children have a weekend off seeing him. I’ve already failed to protect my two older children (his step children) from this man, I don’t know what to do ):

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

I’m sure the Gingerbread advisor will be along in a while to provide some proper advice. Or you could ring the rspcc/childline.

if your ex has been physically abusive, you need to start logging the times & circumstances with police/social services. Make diary notes of everything your children say.

If my son was scared I wouldn’t send him again, but I may be wrong.

[GingerbreadJustineModerator]

Hi Anastazia27

Thank you for commenting.  I am glad you’ve found the forum too, we have a great community of parents here with loads of experiences to share.  I am going to be sending you a private message and an email with some signposting options which should be able to support you with your options.

Take care, Justine

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

If he’s abusive to the children your role is to safeguard the children and that means either stopping contact or having supervised contact in a contact centre.

You need to protect them.

If the father is then so concerned he can go to court where the children will be interviewed by cafcass in an get appropriate manner.

Regardless he shouldn’t be having ever weekend as you need quality time with the children too! And that needs to be planned in if they contact direct contact.

[Author]

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