My son can’t be himself at his dads and doesn’t want to go

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  • #52328 Report

    heatherv11
    Participant

    Hello. I am new here. I am trying to find some advice, support, etc. My youngest son is having a really hard time going to his dads. I’ll start with some back story.
    my ex and I have been divorced about 10 years. We have had a pretty decent relationship and co parent easily until about 2 years ago when our oldest had some mental health problems, needed to be hospitalized, then became a disrespectful teen. That’s when dad said I’m done. they had a very large falling out last July when my ex consistently picked his girlfriend over my son again. He has been with 9 girlfriends in 10 years. All of which have been introduced to our kids, aged 17 & 13. Our oldest no longer goes to dads house and his dad has completely written him off. No contact. No Christmas. No birthdays. Nothing.
    Our youngest has always been a daddy’s boy and continues to go. The last 6 months or so I have noticed a change in him. He isn’t excited. He calls me more when there. Etc. he finally told me dad doesn’t spend much time with him unless he isn’t doing what he is supposed to. Dads girlfriend and 7 y/o daughter never leave. Dad has no patience for our son. I talked to his dad and felt he actually heard me. But our relationship isn’t good. I recently had to send him to child support enforcement for non payment for years.  Since we have straightened that out we have started communicating a lot better. I was hopeful it was a good change until tonight. My son broke down telling me he hates going there. That his dad never listens to him, puts his girlfriends child above his sons needs, tells him “I don’t care” when our son tries to express his feelings, constantly talks badly about me to him, pretty much makes my son feel completely disrespected. He also told me they make him share a room with this little girl. While she has a proper bed he has a mattress on the floor. My heart is broken. That is so inappropriate and makes my son feel as he said “like dad loves her more than me”. He also said dad is going to propose to her. This woman treats both of my kids horribly, convinces their dad that they are at fault for everything, and even turns her back to me when I’m around and has disrespected me more than once. We just signed new papers for our parenting plan and child support worksheet that he bullied me to sign and I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice or any knowledge on what I can do or where to go? I am my sons voice. His only advocate. And I need to help him. Thank you.

    #52336 Report

    Mummy_of_2
    Participant

    Hi,

    If it was me I would see if my son would like a break from seeing his dad and maybe write a letter to explain to his dad exactly how he is feeling. Also maybe making an arrangement where they go out of the house and the girlfriend and her child aren’t around during there time together as from what you have said it seems to be them were the issues lie. That way all his focus would be on your son with no distractions from her. 9 girlfriend’s in 10 years seems to be a lot for a young child to be introduced to and maybe it could be this that is taking a but of a toll on him.

    I understand why you feel heartbroken for your son as I feel my sons dad put his girlfriend and her child before them. (My children haven’t met his girlfriend even though he has been with her since we split 9 months ago). It’s the worst feeling because as a mum no-one comes before your own kids and you automatically take on their emotions.

    #52339 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    If it was my son I would not be putting him through that.

    His father doesn’t respect him or realize he is lucky to be seeing his son.It’s not beneficial for your son and obviously causing him to be upset so why send him? At that age a child is old enough to say wether he wants to go to his dad’s to be treated as 2nd class or not and if his dad has no intention of improving his attitude,why sacrifice the child?

    #52348 Report

    heatherv11
    Participant

    Just to put out some more details…I send him because our parenting plan states when he sees our child. It’s a court order and if I keep my son away I am in contempt of court. If that wasn’t the case, my son would never have to endure this. His dad says him there even when he pays no attention. He wants him there to look like father of the year. He wants him there to tell him how much better his house is because there are two parents. To tell him that my house isn’t good because it’s just me and I work a lot.
    I may work 5 days a week and later in the day but all of my spare time is here with them alone. No one else. I listen and I understand. I guess I’m wanting to know if there is any legal Avenue I can take.

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